


First Meetings and New Beginnings

by winterknight1087



Series: ON HIATUS: Flower from the Fae: the Untold Stories [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, Car crash mentions, Food, M/M, Multi, Non-Binary Remy, Other, Past Abuse Mentions, Remus is portrayed with brain trauma, Remy has narcolepsy, cursing, death mentions, discussions of running away, trans Emile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterknight1087/pseuds/winterknight1087
Summary: Stories on how the chaotic friend group (consisting of Virgil, Remy, Emile, Dee, and Remus) came to be.(This is set in my Flower from the Fae!au so while it can be read without the larger context, you'll benefit more from having read the main story first!)
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Romile, demus - Relationship, pre-romantic LAMP
Series: ON HIATUS: Flower from the Fae: the Untold Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667779
Comments: 89
Kudos: 121





	1. Virgil and Remy

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a bit more disjointed timeline-wise than my other fics, but we'll get to see how our fav chaotic friend group ended up becoming friends (disjointed as several years can pass between chapters posted). So, yeah!

_It’s cold and there’s weird stuff falling from the sky._ Virgil’s numb fingers carefully arranged the pile of sticks he had collected as he tried to keep himself from panicking. It’d been three years since he escaped his father. He could still see the one guy collapse from wounds and things. It was his fault, he knew it was his fault, but he couldn’t do anything. He didn’t even know who the two strange men were. Still, he was free. Sure, being a homeless, broke kid on the streets was hard, but at least he wasn’t having to etch a new tally mark into his side table with the name of some being his father tortured to death.

_“Who are you!”_

A scream ripped itself from Virgil’s throat as he scrambled around to find the source of the voice. Sitting in the back of the cave was a teenager. The person looked half awake, but Virgil could also see the pain in the person’s eyes. He gulped, scared of this random person in the cave where he’d buried his mother’s book. _This was supposed to be a safe place, but this person has just changed that._

“Well, I don’t know what kind of name Ahh is but you’re in my cave. Go away.”

Virgil had no idea why, but he startled to ramble about the stuff falling outside making him cold and how this was the only decent shelter around. He was terrified this teenager might turn him into some authority who would call his father and he would be severely punished for escaping. He had to convince this stranger against doing it and his tongue was racing his thoughts on that topic.

“OK, stop. You can stay. Not much I can do about kicking you out during a snowstorm.” The teenager finally said. “Where did you get wood anyway? I remember using the last of the sticks I got before I took a nap.”

“I… I…” Virgil was absolutely terrified as he weakly gulped. “I grabbed the sticks before… before the… white stuff started falling.”

“The snow? Whatever, let’s not freeze then.”

Virgil gulped again before returning to his pile of sticks. He picked up a stick and began twirling it on a bigger piece. The stick he was twirling became warm, sending a shot of warmth through his body as a small ember appeared. He carefully managed to get the ember to properly light and catch on the sticks.

“Nice trick, kid,” the teenager pocketed something. “So, let’s try this again. I’m Remy, they/them. And you are?”

“Uh… Vir… Virgil… uh… he/him?”

“Nice to meet you, Virgil. Want some M&Ms?”

Virgil tilted his head at them. “I… uh… don’t know what those are?”

Remy looked as if Virgil had insulted them so badly, they were a few seconds away from death. “You- how- THEY ARE M&Ms! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE!?!”

Virgil was instantly curling in on himself, apologizing. He didn’t dare look up at Remy. He just sat there, curled up, waiting for some blow or whatever punishment was about to come. Eventually, he heard Remy, in a very soft and level voice, apologize for screaming and that Virgil didn’t need to apologize for not knowing what M&Ms were. It took a bit longer before Virgil finally uncurled.

Remy pulled out a giant bag of M&Ms. They glanced at the kid before making a show to taking a random handful and popped the handful into their mouth. After making sure that Virgil had seen the action, Remy extended the bag to him. Remy was worried about this random skinny kid who had obviously ran away from some abusive home, and while he was in their cave, by the sands of time, they were going to be courteous and show this kid some kindness.

Virgil glanced at Remy before slowly reaching in and taking a small handful. He looked over the little candies, confused. _So many colors and they are hard. Did they really expect me to eat this?_ Risking another glance at Remy, Virgil gave in and tentatively nibbled on one of the candies. It was weird but it tasted… good? He tried one of the other colors, to find that they tasted the same.

“So? Have I introduced you to the best thing ever, or are you lame?” Remy asked, grinning at the kid.

“I think it’s… good?” Virgil didn’t sound sure, but he was also trying another one, so Remy assumed he didn’t really have much to compare it to.

“Sweet! Help yourself to as much as you want, dude.” Remy commented. “I really shouldn’t be eating the entire bag by myself. It’ll make my narcolepsy worse.”

“Nar-kal-leap-see?” the kid asked, looking like a lost puppy.

“Narcolepsy. My brain is like ‘naptime’ whenever it feels like it and I essentially pass out. Annoying, but I’ve gotten used to it.” Remy was so used to this question, they didn’t even really think of their response.

Seeing the kid’s reaction, they wondered if they should have thought it through more. “Pass out? No! Tha-that leads to not waking up again though!”

Remy blinked, surprised. “Hey, take a deep breath, Virgil. Passing out does not necessarily lead to death. Sure, I could hit my head on something and hurt myself, but it’s just my brain saying that it’s time to sleep and not giving me a choice for taking a nap or not. Come on, breathe.”

It took forever for Remy to get this random kid to calm down. They weren’t sure how to take this sudden change. Some random kid who had appeared was more worried about them than the mother they had ran away from. _Do not mention that, useless excuse of a sandman, Remy. Not unless you want this kid to panic even more._

“Hey, why don’t you try to get some sleep, Virgil? You look exhausted. Might not be a place of comfort, but it’s a nice little cave and I think you managed to snag enough wood for the night to keep the fire going.” Remy suggested, once the kid had finally calmed down.

“You-you aren’t going to turn me in?” the pain and fear in his voice might as well have been an knife to Remy’s heart.

“Hey, I’m not of age either. I turn you in and they are going to take me as well. You’re safe here, kid. I don’t know about what you ran away from, but you obviously have your reasons, so I’m not going to force you back into whatever. Just make sure that you don’t turn me in either. Deal, gurl?”

Not that Remy would dare let someone obviously so scared of a raised voice return to their home. They could tell this kid had seen some shit and endured even more. If he had the courage to get away from whatever his home life had been, who was Remy to take that away? Sure, some kid on the streets wasn’t exactly the best option, but Remy was in the same position and was doing at least alright, so they knew it was possible.

The kid stared at Remy in fear before weakly gulping. “OK.”

Remy laid out near the fire so that they could read. They made a face, seeing how close to the end of the book they were. _Guess I’m going to have to go steal- I mean borrow- another one from the store soon_. Still, they figured reading would ease the random kid and let them relax enough to go to sleep.

Remy wasn’t sure how long it had been, but when they glanced over again, they were glad to see the kid was asleep. Giving a huff, they went and grabbed their blanket to drape over the kid, mentally cursing out an indifferent world that gave kids like them terrible lives. Once they were sure the kid was well covered, they took a seat again, staring blankly at the book.

 _Don’t get attached, stupid. You can’t take care of yourself, much less another person. The kid looks fine, maybe a little skinny but otherwise fine._ But I don’t know how long he’s been on the run; he could have only escaped whatever he left last week. _And you know better having been on your own for only a year? Fuck it, deal with this in the morning._

Apparently, Remy’s body agreed with their logical thought process as they suddenly were overwhelmingly exhausted. They at least managed to lay down before the exhaustion overtook them.

For once, they actually managed to sleep the entire night. As Remy blearily looked around, realizing that there was annoying sunlight coming into the cave, they noticed the kid was gone. The blanket they were sure they’d placed on the kid was wrapped around them and on a napkin, sitting on top of their book were some peanut butter crackers and a handful of berries.

Remy didn’t like the thought that the kid had decided to leave some food with them. It was hard for Remy to make any kind of money, and they were fifteen. Virgil didn’t look older than like nine. Getting food would be a lot harder for him than it was for them. Still, there wasn’t any sight of the kid and Remy hadn’t had anything but M&Ms for two days, so they finally gave in and ate the food.

They kept an eye out for the kid, but after two weeks, they were starting to think he was gone. Hopefully, he found a place to stay or a better cave and not any of the alternatives… Still, they had their own life to think about as they weren’t in any better situation. They were leaving the store, where they had managed to swipe some fruit and canned meats before buying some bread and peanut butter so that when the store monitor things dinged them, they showed the receipt and were waved out. They grinned to themselves, not in the least remorseful about stealing from some corporate chain. _Serves them right for not paying their employees a fair wage_.

“… _come on, pipsqueak. We know you got money.”_

Remy looked over and stopped dead in their tracks. There was the kid, Virgil, surrounded by about five older teenagers. They had him trapped against the side of the building. Virgil was trembling and telling them that he was only to use it to buy someone groceries. The teenagers didn’t seem to care, which only enraged Remy even more.

“P-Pl-Please l-l-lea-ve m-me a-a-lone.” The kid stuttered, terrified.

“’P-Pl-Please’ he stutters!” one of the teenagers, obviously the group leader, mocked. “Not until you hand over the money, kid. Don’t make us force you.”

“And don’t make me have to force you lot to leave him alone,” Remy stated, drawing the attention from the trembling kid onto themselves.

 _Kyle, of course it’s Kyle and his gang._ Remy wasn’t even the slightest surprised to see that it was big town bully Kyle and his little minions. Only _they_ were pathetic enough to target some tiny kid. Remy hasn’t had to deal with them, as they were only slightly younger than them, and so was a less easy target. These cowards only went for people they knew wouldn’t give them a fight, which pretty much always ended up five against one with the one being some pre-teen.

“Oh look, the walking zombie came to save the little shrimp.” Kyle sneered. “What are you going to do? Fall asleep?”

Remy smirked at him. “No, but I’ll do you one better.”

Not even giving the bully time to process their words, their free fist was already colliding with his nose, knocking him straight onto the ground. The four other bullies instantly backed away, terrified. Remy’s smirk grew, knowing that they weren’t used to someone fighting back and that they really were disgusting little cowards.

“Oh, is it the lil bully’s nap time?” Remy asked, in an as condensing way as they could.

“You’ll pay for this, walking zombie,” Kyle spat.

Remy made as if they were going to go at the bully again. The teenager screamed as he scampered away, his friends frantically trying to keep up with him. Remy huffed, knowing that Kyle has threatened everyone and has never carried out a single one. Still, a complete jerk move, going after a kid.

“Hey, you alright there, Virgil?”

Remy looked over and saw the kid curled up, trying to breathe. They gave him a moment before asking if he needed anything. Virgil waved at them but didn’t answer as he worked on getting his breathing under control.

“So, what are you up to, today, Virgil? Other than being the unfortunate target of a wannabe tough-guy.” Remy asked, taking a seat, next to him, leaving some room between the two of them.

“I-I-uh…” the kid gulped, weakly. “I was coming to…uh… to get Mrs. Green’s groceries for the week.”

“Oh?” _who’s this Mrs. Green?_

“She-She isn’t able to come to… well, go anywhere to easily. So, I’ve been doing her… every other weekly shopping for the past year and a half…” Virgil jabbered on, awkwardly.

“Oh, is she some relative? Or some family friend?” Remy asked carefully.

Virgil’s reaction to the word family was not good. Remy might as well have shot electricity through him. He started to babble incoherently before starting to explain that she had asked for his help one day and since then, he’s been helping her as much as he could. Remy barely kept themselves from sighing in relief that someone who couldn’t go grocery shopping wasn’t the one to hurt this poor kid.

“Ah… Well, would you like some help helping her then? I’ve been a bit worried about you since you vanished.” Remy admitted.

Virgil blinked at them, confused. “Why? No one cares about me. I’m just a useless piece of trash who can’t do anything right.”

“Oh jeez, that kind of self-loathing should not be coming from some eight-year-old.”

“I… I’m thirteen?”

Remy might as well have chocked on air. “Wait, you’re thirteen! You’re too tiny to be thirteen! That’s it, I was friend-protective of you before, now I’m older sibling protective. You’re not getting rid of me. You’re stuck with me. We’re going to get you fed and better-taken care of, damn it.”

“I feel like that should have been reversed. You probably should have been more worried when you thought I was eight rather than thirteen.”

“You look healthy for an eight-year-old! You look pretty bad off as a thirteen-year-old!”

Virgil stood up and brushed off some loose gravel. He moved to the corner and pulled out one of those home baggage cart things. Remy could see his backpack sitting on the bottom. _Guess that means I don’t need to worry about where his stuff is, at least_. Remy jumped up and followed Virgil back into the store. The attendant raised an eyebrow at them but didn’t comment as Virgil also grabbed a basket and set that on top of the cart thing.

“Stop following me,” Virgil commented finally, on the third aisle.

“Sorry, but I’m like a clingy cat. We shared food and I am worried about you. You’re stuck with me.”

Virgil glanced at the basket before looking back at Remy. “If I give you five bucks, will you go away?”

“Thought it was Mrs. Green’s grocery money?”

“She gives me a little bit of money for doing her shopping. So, will you?”

“What, do you not enjoy my company?”

Virgil paused at this, glancing at the random person who had just saved him from a bunch of bullies and had willingly offered what little they had to him. “I didn’t say that, necessarily.”

“Great, we’re BFFs now and I’m protective of my friends so no. Giving me five bucks will not get me to go away.”

Virgil huffed, but it was kind of amusing. He wasn’t sure about letting Remy follow him all over the place, but he also liked the idea of having a friend. One that his fathe-… that bastard hadn’t kidnapped and imprisoned to be his babysitter until the bastard had deemed them as too friendly to him and so killed them…

Remy did seem to understand how to interact with him. They weren’t insistently trying to get him to talk about anything and were content on rambling on about whatever. He noted that they seemed to grab a couple of things off the shelves, which vanished into their backpack, but he understood that it was sometimes necessary to steal to survive. That was how he’d gotten by before Mrs. Green had decided to make him her errand boy for twenty-five bucks every other week.

The cashier smiled at him, used to seeing this strange kid. “And how are you today, Virgil? Giving Mrs. Green a hard time?”

Virgil couldn’t help the grin. “Oh yeah, of course. Was too full to eat her second helping of lasagna. So obviously I hate her and her food.”

The cashier laughed. “Being fair, her single helpings could feed a family of four. How someone as tiny and elderly as she is cook and eat as much as she does… She is the epitome of what I want to be as a grandmother.”

“What, accepting every person who steps foot on your street into your house and feeding them until they have to be rolled out?”

“Of course! Alright, you got some discounts to be added, one sec.”

Remy noted that the cashier scanned one of the membership cards and put in an employee discount before telling the kid–… nope, apparently teenager– the total. He pulled a wad of twenties out of his backpack and counted them out for her. She easily got his change and offered him two receipts, one with some writing on the bottom. He accepted them and quickly put the bags into the cart thing, keeping track of where the stuff from the basket went.

“Hey, let me go through first. The thing dinged me when I was leaving last time, so it’ll probably ding me again.” Remy commented, pretending that they didn’t have a backpack full of reasons for the shoplifting things to ding them.

And, of course it did ding them, but the greeter rolled his eyes and just waved Remy off. Virgil also rolled his eyes, knowing full well what Remy had in their backpack, but followed through, thankfully not being dinged. They left the store and started walking. Remy had no idea where they were going, but if this tiny teen was heading there, then well, protective Remy was to follow. Virgil seemed to note this but didn’t really fight.

It took forever but they finally arrived at a lime-green house with an overgrown yard full of natural flowers, weeds, and whatnot. Remy instantly decided that this person was an interesting character. Virgil didn’t even knock before opening the door and calling in that he was back and asking if a friend could pop in. A squeaky voice responded with approval and they entered the house.

A tabby cat ran over and demanded pets from Virgil before letting him head further into the house. Remy awkwardly let the cat sniff their hand before giving it a scratch behind its ear. That seemed to satisfy the cat, who stopped screaming at them for trying to walk past without the mandatory petting fee.

“Ah, thank you, dear.”

Remy located an ancient-looking woman, standing by her windowsill, her walker in front of her with a small bag of fertilizer, as she watered some of her plants. Remy instantly knew that this woman was a witch. She wasn’t a strong witch, but they could still feel the magic in the air. _Is she the one who taught Virgil that trick with the fire?_

“Well, look-y here, aren’t you just one of the most adorable things!” The woman said, hobbling over towards Remy. “And what might your name be, miss?”

“Uh, it’s not miss, ma’am,” Remy answered awkwardly. “I’m Remy, they/them.”

“Oh, my apologies, Roomy Dayton.” She did look incredibly sorry, so Remy decided not to make her feel worse and point out that she was still wrong. “I’m Matilda Green. A pleasure to meet you, young man.”

_I’m going to just call it and say she was ancient when people started understanding transgender and nonbinary genders. So, forget about getting called the right pronouns or all other gendered terminology. If I can get her to at least use my actual name, then, I’ll count that as a win._

“You know the rules, dearie.” She commented as Virgil rolled the cart thing into the kitchen. “Showers for both of you. I don’t need my home smelling of hogs covered in mud under the hot southern sun.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Virgil looked over at Remy. “Come on, I’ll show you to the guest room.”

Remy was so confused but let the teen pull them along. The entire house was filled with plants. It made being inside the tight hallway easier to stand as it was cool and kind of felt like being outside in a denser part of the forest.

“Sorry, Mrs. Green is weird. She insists that I take a shower when I come to get her list and cart and then also once I come back with her groceries. You can use the guest bathroom. It’s a bit less… well _much_.”

It was beyond strange having to take a shower in some random old woman’s house, but Remy also wasn’t going to turn down a hot shower, without having to break into a campsite area to take one. Once they were cleaner than they had been in a while, they went back through the house to find Mrs. Green hobbling around her kitchen, putting groceries away.

“Ah, I was hoping that you could return before Virgil, Ruby.” _Still not my name._ “I can sense that you are a sandman’s child. Am I correct?”

“Uh… Yes, ma’am. My mom is a sandman.”

“I’m not sure how much you have discussed this topic with Virgil, but I still wish to pass on some advice to you, sweetheart. Virgil knows little of magic and our world. Please try your best not to bring that topic up around him. I am not sure of his past, but he does not react kindly to mentions of magic.”

Remy did not like hearing this news about this random teen they had already mentally adopted as their little brother. “Uh… how does he react? I’ve seen him use some magic, though.”

“It is… triggering for him. It is not the normal violence of hunters, but rather someone badly hurt by magic. His magic is only in random bursts, commonly done with physical actions that he attributes the magic towards. Anyways, I’m just passing on this warning as Virgil is special to me as if he were my own grandson. Virgil is a sweet boy and I have a feeling the two of you will be great friends, Rodney.”

“Yeah, well, from what they’ve said, I’m kind of stuck with them, so we’ll see how that goes, ma’am,” Virgil commented.

“Boy, how many times have I told you to scrub behind your ears when you go take your showers?”

“I did though! See!”

The old woman and Virgil started some friendly banter about his showering habits as they started putting away the groceries. Remy couldn’t help the grin as they accepted that this woman was awesome and they were willing to deal with her inability to remember their name or pronouns because she was awesome.

She sent both of them away with a tub of lasagna each, telling Remy that they better keep a good eye on Virgil or she would have their hide. The two of them went to the park and munched on the food, relaxing.

“So, am I really stuck with you?” Virgil finally asked once he was full.

Remy paused before answering. “Well, I am more certain than earlier that you are now my friend and essentially my little brother, but if you really don’t want to be stuck with me… well, I guess I can’t really force that upon you. It is nice to have someone to talk with and joke around with, though.”

“Yeah, it is,” Virgil softly answered, staring at the small tub of leftovers.

“I’ll let you decide. Also, you are welcome to always change your mind.” Remy offered.

Virgil sat, thinking it over, before answering. “OK. We can try this, I guess. I at least know you aren’t going to turn me into the police or child protection whatever it is. Are you still sleeping in the cave up there?”

“Yeah, it’s far enough from the town where people aren’t going to call the cops or stumble across it but also close enough to be able to come down to refill my water bottle from the park’s fountains. Plus, it’s also reasonably close to a campsite that when I have a few extra coins, I can have a shower. It’s like the perfect runaway cave area.”

“I know. It’s one of the spots in my normal rotation of areas.” Virgil said, slipping his lasagna tub into his overfilled backpack.

Remy knit their eyebrows at him. “Feel free to not answer, but how long have you been on the streets, dude?”

“About three years, give or take? What about you?” Virgil asked.

“Officially, a year as of last month.” _This kid has been on the streets for three years!?!?_

“It’s a bit of a hike up to the cave, so if we want to make it and still have time to make a fire for the night, we’ll need to start going,” Virgil commented. “Once we have that done, we can see what all you managed to steal and figure out rations for the next two weeks.”

“Just as a fair warning, there is a high possibility that I fall asleep on the hike up there and/or once we arrive at the cave.”

Virgil took in a quick breath. “Right, narcopolice.”

Remy couldn’t help but snort. “Narcolepsy but I think I enjoy the idea of narcopolice better.”

“Whatever Rebecca,” Virgil commented, using the last of the names Mrs. Green had given Remy. “So…uh… if you do a narcolepsy, what am I supposed to do?”

“If I do a…” Remy couldn’t help the laughter. “OK, that is a fair question, but I’m sorry, do a narcopolice? Oh my Gucci goodness. OK, OK, I’m done…Nope… OK, I’m done… for real. If I start to feel exhausted, I usually look for a nearby place where no one will bother me or call the cops. You don’t need to worry about doing anything. If you want, you can just take my backpack and finish hiking to the cave and once I come around, usually like an hour or two later, I’ll head up. Cool?”

“Being honest, no, not cool. I’ll probably remain there, barely panicking until you wake up. I can gather sticks while I wait, so put the time to use, at least, I guess. How does that sound instead?”

“Sure, it’ll work, I guess,” Remy answered.

Thankfully, they managed to make it all the way to the cave without Remy accidentally falling asleep. They even managed to dump what they had in a pile before they had to lay down. Virgil let out a breath once Remy did, glad that he didn’t need to panic. He easily took inventory of everything, mildly surprised by the amount of food they had together.

He checked on Remy, making sure that they were covered before taking a seat, and wondering if he really was just going to stay with some random teenager. Unfortunately, he also knew himself and knew that he was in fact going to stay with some random teenager. He could tell something was different about Remy, that just kind of felt right. He also felt that maybe Remy needed his help just as much as he needed theirs. Plus, Mrs. Green thought they were going to be good friends, and he trusted her judgment, even if she didn’t have the best memory for names…

Virgil packed the food up and pulled out his sleeping bag. He laid down and mentally wondered what would happen if his… the bastard found him since he didn’t think Remy was willing to constantly change caves as he had been. Yet, Remy had jumped into a group of jerks and punched one of them for him. So, maybe… everything would turn out OK, for once.

And with that thought, Virgil fell asleep in the company of his new best friend.


	2. So a Sandman, Witch, Snake, and Human Move Into Town…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chaotic group (minus Emile) move to town. First part follows Remy and Virgil's move; second part follows Dee and Remus's move.

“Remy, stop pretending I don’t exist and turn around.”

Remy shut their eyes, wondering if they really wanted to do that. “What do you want, Sand Keeper? If this is about running away from that bitch, then get lost.”

“Your mother is dead. This means you inherit her task.”

Considering the being literally just informed someone that their mother _died_ , the Sand Keeper didn’t look sorry or even slightly interested in their current task. Remy, on the other hand, was trying to decide if they wanted to go celebrate the bitch’s death or run and hide from the Sand Keeper who was going to try and saddle them with _work_. The Sand Keeper didn’t let Remy say another word before grabbing their arm and pulling them to the weird in-between area where the Sands of Time and various other sands originated.

Remy’s eyes went large seeing the entire place. The only nice thing they had ever heard their mother say was about this place, where sandmen were trained and assigned their roles, and Remy could suddenly see why this was the only nice thing she could talk about.

Golden waterfalls of sand fell into little ponds full of swirling dreams and history. A huge hourglass, filled with what looked to be galaxies, slowly dropped a piece of sand counting down to the end of time. The ground was a soft pink cloud with an occasional glimpse of a bird swimming through it.

Then one of the Time Keepers appeared. Remy’s breath caught seeing the cloaked being. The being was essentially shapeless due to their cloak. The only thing definable was a large golden hourglass necklace carefully placed around what was hopefully the being’s neck on a delicate chain. They watched as the Time Keeper glided towards the giant hourglass. A mummified hand reached out and slipped through the glass. The being picked up a single grain of sand and then left with the piece.

“Come along, Remy. We must start your training.” The Sand Keeper stated, dragging them along.

When they said that, you’d think they would talk about stuff and explain, but no. The Sand Keeper literally threw Remy into a training session without a single explanation of what they were supposed to do. They wanted to inform the being that while doing was a more effective teacher, that doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be an intro lesson! But nope, they were tossed into a simulator and had to utilize powers that were only granted to them the moment they came to the Sand Palace. And of course, they ended up accidentally falling asleep.

They ended up waking up in some infirmary where they were being poked and prodded. “Hey, stop that.”

“Oh, you’re awake.” The nurse? The doctor? Said, looking bored. “Well, you passed out in the simulation.”

“Yeah, happens. You lot didn’t give me a chance to inform you of my narcolepsy!”

That interested the person. “Narcolepsy? A sandman having narcolepsy? Hmm…”

Remy was then forced to be prodded some more before the person lost interest as suddenly as they gained it. “Too much sleep sand used on you as a baby. Not a usual occurrence for sandmen, but common for normal humans. Usually results in insomnia but manifested as narcolepsy for you. I will write orders to extend your training an additional day to account for this.”

The person left, leaving Remy in a state of shock. As the Sand Keeper came in to collect them, Remy realized that– unlike every idea that those with all the time in the world took their time doing stuff– this lot, who literally maintained the Sands of Time and Sands of Rest, got things done _fast_. Tell them their mother died and then just throws them into training; drops the fact that their mother not only hated and neglected them but also apparently fucked up their ability to sleep, and; training was _only_ three full days for them. Like seriously, Remy wanted to ask if they took their time with anything.

“Alright, so you have passed your lessons and evaluations.” The Sand Keeper commented, after pulling Remy into their office, three days later. “Rather than automatically posting you to where your mother was, we are rearranging assignments due to population shifts. You will oversee the sleep cycles of one million humans, half a million of various supernatural, and whatever creatures venture into your assigned area. You will be provided a house in the central most town of the assignment and a salary to cover living expenses. If regular humans ask, you were the recipient of the money and the house from some relative who passed. I will leave that for you to decide.”

“Wait, can-can my friend come with me? He’s like a brother to me and I can’t just leave him…”

“Do whatever you will. The house is in your name, so as long as you complete your work, you are free to do as you wish. Sell it, trash it, burn it, whatever.” The Sand Keeper didn’t seem like a being who normally said whatever Remy decided. “All of those are real things sandmen have done to their housing. The only thing we are concerned with is that the sleep cycles of those in your area are maintained, otherwise, what you do is of no matter to us. We provide the house so that you can relocate immediately. The salary is to provide for necessities and extras for the work undertaken.”

“Uh… where does that money come from?” Remy asked uncertainly. “Because that sounds a bit sketch…”

“A minor tax was written into the nations’ laws. The treasury can provide more information if you require more. Are there any more incessant questions?”

Remy could tell that the Sand Keeper was ready to be done with them and move onto whatever else they needed (or wanted) to do. “Uh… no?”

“Very well. Here is your official assignment, with the address and your first paycheck for training. We have a temp there currently, so please make your way to your post by the end of the week. Have a pleasant day.”

Remy blinked and found they were standing back in the forest, standing exactly where the Sand Keeper had taken them from. The sky and light were almost blinding, but unfortunately, that was just something they were going to have to get used to. Their powers were tied to the night and sleep; they weren’t really going to like daylight anymore. Still, they reoriented themselves, before deciding not to tell Virgil the truth. They mentally decided on their story before heading back to the cave. They managed to set aside the folder and take a deep breath of the fresh air before something tackled them.

“You bastard! You bitch! You-You-You _walnut_!”

“Hey, hey, hey. Breathe for me, Vee. Come on. I’m alright. Sorry for vanishing on you. Come on, there we go. Just breathe.”

Virgil was sobbing as he clung to Remy’s side, ignoring the little bounce they started as if he were a toddler. “Where have you been, you freaking useless driftwood! It’s been three days!”

“I’m so sorry, Vee. I fell asleep on the bus and ended up on the other side of town where some annoying soccer mom with her three-point whatever children saw me grab something and called the cops. Got to enjoy the weekend in the jail until a judge looked at the case and was like ‘the heck?’” Remy said, taking a seat so they could cuddle their worried friend. “But, I have some amazing news! I’m not entirely sure what they were doing, but apparently, they found out that I had an aunt or someone like die and leave me a shit ton of stuff! Like a house and some money! We can finally leave this life, Vee! They like got all the information and the keys for me too!”

Virgil looked at them, uncertainly. “Remy, that sounds ridiculous.”

“I know it does, Vee, but like it’s true! We can finally get off the streets and not worry about cops or annoying campers coming to the cave anymore! We can enjoy _hot_ food!”

“Still, doesn’t feel like something a bunch of lawyers or whatever would do. Plus, I’m not sure I believe it, Rems. A lot of that feels wrong…”

“What do you mean you don’t believe me!”

“You just happened to get arrested for a weekend and find out that some aunt that you never even heard of left you money and a house?”

Remy shrugged. “That’s what I was told. It doesn’t matter, Vee! We’ll have a real roof over our heads and money to pay for food! What are you waiting for, help me start packing up!”

“I don’t know about this, Remy. What if your mom finds out about this? She’ll come after you. I’d get thrown in some foster house until my bastard dad finds out where I am. We’d both end up in a worse situation.”

“I’m officially eighteen, Virgil. She can’t do anything about me. If she does come, you can just hide in a closet until she goes away. I know it will be fine. Please, just trust me. We’ll be safe.”

Virgil looked Remy over, his eyes showing his uncertainty, but he finally sighed. “Alright, I trust you, Remy. We’re in this together.”

Remy smiled at him. “We’re soul-siblings, of course, we’re in this together.”

“Still not a thing.”

“Bitch, it’s a thing cause I say it’s a thing. Now get your shit together!”

Remy watched Virgil sigh but get up to start gathering stuff. Remy didn’t like lying to their best friend turned younger sibling, but the terror he had for things involving magic… the panic attacks they’ve helped him through… He had so many reasons to see this as wrong but was willing to trust them. They decided that this will be the only thing they will consciously lie to him about.

They spent three days walking before finally arriving at a nice house sitting on the very edge of town. Remy pulled out the key and unlocked the door to their new home. They were relieved to see some personal items scattered around as if the house had been lived in, but Remy could also sense that no one has ever lived here. It was a simple house with three bedrooms, a kitchen with a bunch of pots, pans, and other utensils ready for use, and a huge yard with a little stone wall where Remy assumed was the edge of the property.

“I know what you are thinking, but we are burning all of that,” Virgil stated, pointing at the kitchen.

Remy laughed as they yanked the teenager into a tight hug. “Welcome home, Vee.”

****

_A year and a half later: with Dee and Remus_

_“…I’m so sorry…”_

_“…condolences…”_

_“…they were good people…”_

_“…pleasure to have known…”_

Dee slammed the door to their apartment, tears streaking down his face. He weakly slid down, breaking down for what felt like the millionth time since the accident. He didn’t want soft replies of half-hearted sympathy and pity from everyone who knew his family. He wanted his mom and dad alive. He wanted his best friend turned husband to stop doing every single strange thing that came to his head or was suggested. He wanted everything to go back to how it had been!

Remus moved over and took a seat next to the sobbing man. He gave a gently questioning pat to his back before Dee threw himself into Remus’s arms. They sat there while Dee struggled to pull himself together. Remus only softly hummed something, hoping that Dee found it comforting over weird.

Remus found he was questioning everything he did, wondering if it would have been something he did before the accident, but he wasn’t really capable of stopping himself from doing random things anymore. Still, he knew he had to try to keep it together, if just for Dee who was dealing with all of this as well. It was the dreaded mantra the two of them kept repeating to themselves: _keep it together for my husband_.

Dee finally sat up and rubbed his face. “Sorry, Ree. I ran into Dan and Dad’s other fix-it buddies.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s still hard to… to know…” Remus couldn’t say it.

“Anyways, the agent said that everything went through. We can move in by the end of the month. We can finally get away from everyone.”

“That’s good. And the sanctuary permit whatnot?”

“Also approved. I was going to ask Val and Ter if they’d be willing to drive the snakes up as I don’t want to risk them to movers.”

Remus nodded. “We’ll also need to get bus tickets and finish packing but we’ve got time. Now, come cuddle! I got us some Chinese take-out and a movie!”

Dee was proud to say he only broke down every twenty minutes while slowly packing up his parents’ house. Remus managed a continuous stream of tears sorting through the stuff, remembering how this house had turned into more of a home than he had with his foster parents. A couple of their friends came over and forced the two of them to chug plenty of water before helping them pack. They didn’t offer sympathy or even mention anything about the stuff they were packing. They kept a steady stream of chatter about new shows or books or other events to try and keep the two broken husbands distracted.

Finally, the day came. Dee and Remus loaded snakes into a rented truck that Terrance and Valerie were going to drive up for them. Dee forced both of them to accept a hundred bucks as thanks before handing over a key and waving them off. They then waited for the professional movers to pack up a truck and start off on the two-hour drive up to where the couple were moving.

The couple went to the bus station, shaking. This was the first time either of them would be in a moving vehicle since the accident. At least it wasn’t a car… Dee gulped before gently leading an already sleepy Remus on. Remus could smell the scent of alcohol on Dee’s breath, but he had taken some sleep medicine, so he accepted that he would just have to accept Dee’s method of dealing with this ride.

Four hours, twenty-two minutes, and thirty-one seconds later (Dee really shouldn’t have access to his phone right now) they finally arrived in the little town. Terrance and Valerie were waiting for them. The couple were relieved that their friends were cool with walking (which was their plan for as long as they could do so) so they went and had lunch. After walking to the new house, their friends got into the truck and started to drive back to their homes. Dee and Remus entered their new home and went to sleep pretty much immediately, leaving the unpacking and organizing for tomorrow.


	3. Virgil and Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two chaotic gremlins (a.k.a Virgil and Remus) meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: fish bite, abdomen pain (from running into something and laughter)

“Virgil, stop being dramatic and go finish your assignment.”

Virgil was dangling upside down on the couch, glaring at his laptop. “Rich coming from the Drama Bitch.”

“Umm, excuse you, it’s Queen Bitch and it was your choice to do the whole college thing. The only education I made you do was getting your GED.” Remy took a sip from the coffee they _knew_ was bad for their narcolepsy but didn’t care enough to not enjoy their sweet drink. “You decided on this college junk and so I’m going to force you to do your damn homework and not fail at what you decided to do when we both know you enjoy this class, but you just don’t want to go outside and people watch.”

Virgil really didn’t appreciate how well Remy knew him sometimes. So, giving up on the idea of failing the dumb gen ed psychology course he was taking, he sat up and gathered his book and notebook. He decided against taking the laptop with him. Remy had given it to him as a gift for getting into the university and he had no plans of letting anything happen to it. And many things could happen to it if he took it to the park with him: someone could steal it, he could drop it and break it, someone could throw a football badly and send the person trying to catch it backing straight into where Virgil was and then stepping on it while the football hit Virgil straight in the face, giving him a black eye and…

“Hey, stop that. I can practically _hear_ those anxious thoughts. Knock it off and go do your assignment.”

Virgil made a face, but he did finally get up and head out the door. He checked on their little garden before running out of excuses, even for himself. So, giving up on more procrastination, Virgil went to the park. He managed to snag a table in the shade, but central enough that he could listen in on people’s conversations and write down snippets with his guess of whether the person talking was talking with a friend, acquaintance, partner, or whatever else.

_Tap. Tap._

Virgil jumped as he turned to see who had tapped his shoulder. Standing there was a man with a ridiculous mustache and _very_ wild eyes. Virgil got several types of _bad_ feelings about this man, and they only increased when he grinned a bit too wide.

“Hi! I’m Remus. I have a hurt brain and so have no impulse control. That said, I’m sorry but I stole your left shoe, so you’re all right now. Bye!”

The man–Remus–showed Virgil a purple converse with carefully drawn black wedding on it. Startled, Virgil glance down to see that his left shoe was in fact missing. Remus cackled running off. Virgil sat there, stunned, for a moment, before jumping up to chase after the man.

At first, Virgil was… well not so much mad as confused, but still irritated as he chased this random stranger who apparently found it funny to steal a stranger’s shoe. Yet, he did notice that the stranger didn’t allow too much of a gap between them, even though it was clear to both of them that the stranger was much faster. It took him a few minutes to realize it was just like a dog who stole something from its owner and was happily playing. He looked carefully at the random man, who had also not lead Virgil away from the general vicinity of where his school stuff was and realized that was what was essentially happening.

With that knowledge, Virgil decided to up the challenge and see if he could outsmart this rando. When the rando realize what was happening, he let out an excited squeal and put more effort into the game. Virgil tried cornering him near the lake, but the man managed to slip past him just barely out of reach. At one point, Virgil ended up getting stuck in a tree, to which the rando directed him on how to get down before running off again.

Finally, the man ran straight at the table Virgil had been working at. With another cackle, the man jumped straight over the table, easily clearing it by a foot. Virgil was so shocked at the feat that he practically ran straight into the table where his face met his stolen shoe. He muttered a curse, hoping that his guts were all still in their proper places, though he wondered how bruised he was going to be later.

“That was fun!” the man cackled.

“Do you always steal people’s shoes for fun?” Virgil asked, breathlessly.

“Mhhhhmmm, nope. You just had a cool design and I wanted to see it closer! Then I thought it would be fun to be a shoe stealing criminal!”

“That’s a weird thing to do?”

“I did say my brain is broken and so I have no impulse control before running off! It was nice playing with you, random person! I should get home before my husband worries! Byeeee!”

With that, the man walked off, humming something to himself. Virgil was too tired to chase after him and demand more answers, so he decided to go home and BS the rest of the assignment. He had had enough socialization for the next year and enough exercise for the next five.

“You get it done?”

“No, I had some random person steal my shoe and made me chase him down to get it back.”

Remy blinked before sighing. “Virgil, you don’t need to lie to me. What did you go do then, if not the assignment?”

Virgil dumped the book and notebook down on the table before faceplanting on the couch. “Had my shoe stolen and had to run.”

He could feel Remy’s disbelief, so he blindly took off his shoe in order to throw the grass-stained sock at Remy’s face. There was a disgusted squeak before Remy just started laughing. Virgil took off his other shoe and sock before curling up on the couch, listening to his friend laugh.

“You’re serious, you’re fucking serious!” Remy had tears in their eyes. “How did some random person get close enough to you in order to steal your shoe?”

“I honestly don’t know. He just tapped my shoulder to get my attention and somehow had it. He said something about a bad brain and no impulse control before and after forcing me to chase him for the shoe, but like I don’t remember too well.”

Remy managed to stop laughing so hard to ask, “how did the chase go?”

“I ran about ten miles, got stuck in a tree, lost him for a few minutes to discover he was hiding in a trash can on the other side of the field and ran straight into my work table because I was so shocked that this rando could hurdle jump straight over the park tables without any issue with a good foot to spare.”

Later, both friends laid on the couches, with abdomen pain. Virgil had a huge bruise forming but after carefully poking around and not feeling any pain other than the bruise decided that he might be lucky for his inattention to where he was running. On the other hand, Remy was clinging to their stomach, still chuckling despite the pain about the entire encounter.

****

“One hot chocolate and a ‘caffeine abomination’”

“It is and we all know it.” Virgil laughed, accepting the two drinks.

“Don’t let Remy hear you calling their favorite drink an abomination. They might not keep their little brother around.” The barista winked, joking with him. “See you hopefully tomorrow, Virge!”

“We both know it will be tonight and such optimism is disgusting.”

“Suffer then!”

Virgil laughed as he started out the door. Of course, with his eternal luck, the second he opened the door, someone screamed at him to catch and lobbed something at his head. His reflexes immediately dropped the two drinks to stop whatever from hitting his face. He barely got a chance to realize it was a pillow before the weirdo who had stolen his shoe was coming at him with his own pillow.

_“Pillow fight!”_

Virgil managed not to get knocked upside the head and promptly started his own attack. He was spitting curses as he got smacked with the pillow, knowing that people were staring at them and that _really_ did not agree with his anxiety. So, as his fight or flight instincts kicked in, he started to land his own blows on the weirdo. Unfortunately, weirdo really could be some track and field star or something as he chucked the pillow at Virgil as if it were some discus. It managed to knock him off his feet and flat onto his butt, in the spilled drinks.

“Victory!” the man cackled. “Oh, it’s you, shoe guy! Oh no! Looks like I caused you to drop your drinks! Come on, I’ll buy you new ones!”

Virgil was yanked up and pulled back into the coffee shop where the barista was standing in the middle of the seating area, looking worried. Her eyes looked over Virgil before letting out a breath. She offered him a dry towel to clean himself up as she turned on the weirdo to demand what was his big idea. He ended up setting twenty bucks on the counter before walking off, like a sad puppy.

“Seriously, what is up with that dude? He just shows up out of nowhere and keeps causing random chaos!” she was already remaking the drinks.

“He stole my shoe yesterday and mentioned something about brain damage and no impulse control,” Virgil answered, awkwardly. “I don’t know, I don’t get the feeling of danger from him, though. Wasn’t random pillow fights like some funny video prank or something? Maybe he’s like one of those people?”

“Doesn’t seem like a nice prank.” She commented, offering Virgil two new drinks. “Here, on the house.”

“Thanks.”

Once again, after ensuring Virgil was alright, Remy ended up on the couch again with abdomen pain from laughing so hard. Virgil gave them a look before returning to his botany homework. Learning about plants managed to calm his frayed nerves down and he finally started to relax and chuckle at how absurd his life had become.

****

Virgil managed an entire day in between before he was viciously attacked by the rando, this time with glitter. “Hey! No! My aesthetic!”

 _Snickers._ “Bitch, what aesthetic? Oh, wait! It’s you again! Hello, angsty person who seems to be everywhere I am!”

Virgil gave the wild man an unamused look. “Don’t you have better things to do than torture people?”

“Mhmmmm, nope!” the man cackled. “Come play again with me, raccoon man!”

“…”

“YAS! Come on! Be gay and commit crimes with meeeee!”

Virgil was suddenly being dragged after this weirdo. After the last two encounters with this dude, Virgil was at least glad to know that something was coming this time. He was mildly curious as to what was going to happen, and he didn’t really see this guy as dangerous. Maybe a little off-putting, but the man didn’t seem too dangerous. Plus, he at least seemed to be pro-gay, which made his company better than dumb homophobes. So, Virgil decided just to see where this went.

Apparently, the first thing of the day was to invade the store and spread more glitter everywhere. The guy wouldn’t even glance around before tossing a handful of bright green and yellow glitter in the air any time he was near a rack of clothes. Then, he found some reject pile and insisted on getting the two of them matching shirts. Virgil wasn’t sure how to feel about the Hawaiian style shirt with a bunch of dat bois on it instead of flowers, but the guy seemed to really like it and he really didn’t seem to mind Virgil’s hesitance.

Instead of listening to Virgil mutter about not having brought money or whatever, the guy scooped up the two largest from the pile and practically skipped to the checkout line, glitter flying off of him as he went. Virgil muttered a curse and quickly followed in time to see the guy pay for them and a bunch of candy. He smiled brightly and then scooped up the bag and dragged Virgil off to the lake.

“Hey, so… uh… I don’t actually know who you are and this is getting a bit weird, even by my standards, so uh… who are you?” Virgil finally asked.

“Oh! I introduced myself when I stole your shoe! I’m Remus!” he answered, plopping onto the grass and dumping the bag of candy, the two shirts, and some random supplies he probably grabbed at the checkout line. “Here! I also grabbed some scissors so we can make them even better! I didn’t know what candy you would like so I grabbed some of everything!”

“I didn’t catch much from that intro, as anxiety is a bitch and then confusion?” Virgil said, uncertainly.

“Oh! OK, I’m Remus and I have a hurt brain so I can’t control whatever action this old noggin suggests!” He answered, cheerfully ripping open a bag of Skittles, making them fly everywhere.

Virgil watched as he cheerfully picked them off the grass and star popping them into his mouth. “Uh… I’m sorry to hear that?”

Remus shrugged. “No need to be sorry! Drives my hubby mad sometimes but I like who I am!”

“So… you’re married?” Virgil suspiciously picked up a bag of M&Ms.

“Yup! Almost two months! Though, not exactly the best start to a marriage…”

The bubbly personality was suddenly so sad and worried that it almost gave Virgil whiplash. “Why? Is he a jerk? Lose him if he is.”

“No!!! DeeDee is amazing!” Remus screeched. “It’s just… we got into an accident the day after our wedding. My hubby… well, he lost his parents in it and also has to deal with me and my damage as well. Plus, he isn’t comfortable with all the stares because he has a big scar on his face now from it. We moved out here only a week ago and I think this entire thing stressed him out more, instead of being a reprieve like we had kind of hoped. At least we aren’t getting fam/friends running into us with sympathy anymore out here!”

“O-oh…”

Remus took a moment to pop some more dirt-covered Skittles into his mouth, before jumping back into his cheerfulness. “OK, so I’m going to make a crop top! What are you going to do?”

Compared to the other times he’d spent with Remus, this was fairly tame, though a lot less anxiety-inducing. Virgil ended up turning his giant shirt into a dress (because fuck the aggressive gendering of clothing) while Remus cut his up so that it was practically only sleeves and the top strips of shirt connecting them. He then used the extra material to make some fringe, knotting each other through a small cut along the bottom, and a giant bow on the chest that was probably bigger than what was left of the shirt.

Virgil also ended up learning more about Remus and his mysterious husband. They were only a couple years older than him but were only a year older than Remy. Remus’s husband was frantically trying to arrange a snake sanctuary in their backyard, which was why Remus was so bored and causing so much chaos (since no one was there to tell him to stop). Virgil told him about Remy and living in their aunt’s old house. It was actually nice to get to know the weirdo.

“WAIT, DID YOU SEE THAT!”

Virgil didn’t even process what he said before the man was diving into the lake to catch something. It took him almost a full minute to resurface, which Virgil’s anxiety _did not like_. He inched closer to the lake, hoping that the idiot would resurface as Virgil wasn’t the best swimmer. Thankfully for Virgil’s anxiety, Remus came up and practically ran out of the water as best he could with a huge grin and droopy mustache.

Of all the things Virgil expected for today, being slapped in the face with a fat rainbow fish was not on that list. Being fair, Remus wasn’t actively trying to hit Virgil in the face with it, he was just trying to show his new best friend the awesome fish that he missed! It just jumped out of his hand and hit him! A full minute hadn’t managed to pass in the time that the fish managed to slap Virgil in the face, bite Remus’s arm, and flounder its way back into the lake.

“Well, this was fun! I should go ask DeeDee if fish are able to bite and if I should be worried about my arm! Oh, wait! Here, have my number so we can talk!” Remus scribbled some numbers on some scrap material and offered it to Virgil.

“TTYL new friendie!”

He grabbed his monstrosity shirt and left Virgil with the leftover candy and materials, while still reeling from what just happened. It took a bit but he finally managed to convince himself that it happened and that he wanted to go home now and just ignore the world. So, with that decision, he cleaned up the mess and went home.

He found Remy in the home office, scrolling through their social media. “Hey, uh… so I think I made a new friend?”

“I swear if you have another spider, I am going to ban you from existence.”

Virgil grinned. “OK, hold on, I can probably find one in the garden real quick. Being banned from existence sounds nice.”

“Bitch, don’t you dare!”

He started laughing as he called out, “Spiders, oh spiders, come here so lil Virgil can be banned from existence!”

“Keep this up, and I’m just going to yoink you into the lake.”

“Mmmm, nah, one trip to anger the fishes is good enough for the year.”

“Bitch, I’m going to-… wait, what?”

Virgil dumped the bag onto the computer table before flopping onto the floor. He told Remy about the events of the day. Rem pinched the corners of their eyes, shaking their head as Virgil talked, wondering why this dumbass was such a dumbass.

“Virgil, I don’t think anyone explained this to you, but don’t accept random candy from strangers!”

“Rich coming from the person who offered some random kid some of their M&Ms less than five minutes after meeting and then proceeded to flip when said kid hadn’t had any before. At least I’ve interacted with this stranger before he bought candy in front of me and shared it.”

Remy opened their mouth to argue, but then irritably shut it, accepting that Virgil had made a good point. Virgil continued on to explain what happened at the lake. Upon hearing about their best friend– and universally thought to be younger brother– had been slapped by a rainbow fish, Remy stopped thinking about their dilemma and burst into a new fit of laughter. They were sure they were going to have abs before the week was over at the rate Virgil was coming home with random stories.

“So yeah, I think I made a new friend, pissed off a fish, and now randomly have a dat boi Hawaiian shirt turned dress. How has your day been?”

“Virgil, can you have _one_ normal day?”

“Apparently not. I need to go shower and probably should see if we need anything from the store, as I know you don’t check.”

“Guilty as charged. You’ve taken over cooking while I deal with cleaning the living room. It’s fair.”

“Whatever, Drama Bitch.”

“Queen Bitch!”

Virgil laughed as he left the screeching being behind him.


	4. Virgil and Dee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee meets his husband's new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: brief mention of antibiotics, grieving over the passing of parents, mention of kitchen fire and mention of dumping water on a toaster (no one is hurt, Remy is just an idiot), food mentions
> 
> This takes place a couple of hours after the previous chapter ends.

_Not even a full week out here and Remus has already gotten himself in trouble._ Dee was not happy as he marched through the dumb store to pick up the dumb antibiotics for a dumb fish bite that his dumbass husband got by being dumb and not leaving the dumb fish alone. He could feel some stares following him, but he chose to ignore them, imagining that they were just intimidated by his power-march.

Dee decided that he was going to grab some easy meals for the next week while they finished unpacking. Unfortunately, he wasn’t paying attention as he made a list of what to grab and so walked straight into someone. He was startled when the teenager jumped in terror and two different colored eyes turned onto him and more terror filled the kid.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to walk into you,” Dee stated before stepping aside and started walking past the teen and his cart.

“H-h-hey w-wait…” the teen stuttered. “H-h-how… Did-do…”

Dee turned, already expecting the question about the cursed scar on his face. “What?”

The teen gulped. “S-sorry anxiety. Umm… Do… do you happen to uh… have a husband?”

Dee was not expecting this. “If you’re a homophobe don’t waste my time. I’m a busy man and don’t have time to deal with beating it out of a teenager.”

The guy’s eyes went even wider as his stuttering got worse. “Just spit it out, dude. Why do you ask if I have a husband?”

“Uh… It’s just this guy keeps randomly running into me… and like doing weird things and like… well… we were talking earlier and… he… well… talked about his husband and it… um… well… you kind of fit the description?”

Dee froze, surprised. “Oh, you’re Anxie?”

The teen blinked. “Anxie?”

“I take it that’s not your name. Figured as much but didn’t want to say so to Ree. What’s your name?”

“Uh… Virgil?”

“Dee,” he offered his hand.

The teen awkwardly shook his hand. “Sorry, still trying to stop panicking from being unexpectedly touched. Anxiety and all that.”

“Understandable,” Dee looked over the teen. “So, uh… what are you doing? Your parents send you to do the shopping?”

Virgil seemed to panic at this but gulped it down. “Uh… no, it’s me and my sibling. We split the housework and as burnt food is not particularly good, I tend to do the cooking. I don’t trust them to get what I need so I also end up doing the grocery shopping. Last time I did trust them, they came home with a new coffee machine and a box of different coffees instead of the milk and butter I asked for.”

Dee nodded. “That sounds fair.”

The guy took a deep breath before relaxing and giving Dee a snarky grin. “I gotta ask, are you really that cold? I thought I was bad about wearing jackets, but that’s like a parka and it’s like eighty degrees.”

“Yes, but that’s really none of your business, is it?”

“Oh… Anyways… Um… is Remus really calling me Anxie?”

“Oh, yeah. He said he made friends with this anxious, angsty raccoon man. Didn’t think man actually was supposed to be teen though…”

“Hey, I’m 17, you lot are only three years older. Plus, I’m already in college and doing all that junk so it isn’t as bad as you’re painting it all.”

Dee grinned. “Fair enough, Angsty… I got to go grab some mac and cheese, before getting Remus his meds for that fish bite he got earlier. So, see ya around, I guess.”

With that, Dee walked off, not entirely sure to make of his husband’s new friend. The man grabbed a couple of boxes before checking out and heading home, starting to hate walking everywhere. Not that he planned to get into another one of those death traps again, though. Remus was strutting around with the shirt he bought earlier, grinning as Dee noticed.

“DeeDee! What do you think? I like it!”

“It’s very… you?” Dee answered though he was uncertain if it was pre-accident him or post-accident him. “Anyways, I got your stuff. Also, I ran into Anxie.”

“YOU DID! Angsty purple raccoon man, right!”

“More like teenager?”

“He’s seventeen. His sibling is nineteen. It’s all cool. We just fiends!”

“Friends?”

“Fiends!”

Dee rolled his eyes. “If you say so. Oh, his name is Virgil, not Anxie, by the way.”

Remus cackled. “Did you see the clothing area while you were there? Very sparkly, right?”

“That’s where the glitter came from. I was wondering. We’re having mac and cheese because I didn’t want to carry more back home.”

“YAS!”

Still, Dee was kind of surprised to hear how well Remus and Virgil were getting along. They were practically high school best friends by the end of the second week, texting each other pretty much non-stop. It kind of helped ease some of the tension Dee had been feeling, seeing Remus have fun with a new friend. Not that he would admit it to Remus, but Dee had been terrified that Remus would be miserable moving away from everyone they knew, who also understood that Remus wasn’t exactly the same anymore. Sure, the idea of moving had been Remus’s idea originally, but still…

“DeeDee, VeeVee is going to come over and we’re going to bake _cookies!_ ” Remus cheerfully announced.

“OK? Have fun?”

“Noooo, you’re going to help us! You need friends too and Virgil is awesome!”

“Do we even have stuff for cookies, yet?”

“Vee said he’d grab what we’ll need on his way over! He just has to finish some botany homework or something. But we’ll be making our first set of cookies in our new home with our new friend!”

Dee tried to be excited, he really did. If not for himself, he tried for Remus, but he couldn’t help but feel the sting of wanting his parents and baking cookies with Remus and them or just baking with his mom at three in the morning when he was too stressed to sleep. It wasn’t going to be the same and it hurt, but Remus was excited so he desperately tried to at least hide how much the idea of baking cookies without his parents hurt him.

_Knock. Knock._

Dee went to the door and saw the guy standing there with three bags looped around his arm. “Oh, it’s _you._ ”

“Oh, glad to see I at least got the right house. Can’t mistake the glare of someone wanting to commit murder.”

_“Did I hear murder!”_

Virgil grinned. “And there’s the being of pure chaos. Right on time.”

Remus cackled as he dragged Virgil in. “Welcome to our dungeon! Ignore the boxes, we still gots lots to do’s! There’s Macey, I’ve told you about her. Got her nice and shiny and ready for bludgeoning! You’re a pretty weapon, aren’t you, Macey! And you apparently already met DeeDee! Anyways, come on, the kitchen is this way! I think? Not sure, still getting used to the new house! Come along!”

Virgil laughed as he was dragged along. “Glad to see Macey, the deadly weapon, ranks more important than Dee, your husband, in introductions.”

“You already met DeeDee, so yes!” he answered.

Virgil set the bags on the counter. “So I got stuff for chocolate chip, peanut butter, and sugar cookies. I also brought an icing recipe for the sugar cookies that I’ve been wanting to try to make, though I also grabbed premade icing just in case.”

“Awesome! I found our pans and cooling rack for the cookies! I was searching for one of our stereos so we could have music when you came aknockin’! Dee, why don’t you pull out the bowls and mixin’s while I go digging?”

Remus didn’t give him a chance to answer before he was off searching. Dee shifted uncertainly, being left with this random teen who he knew little about. Still, he did move around to start gathering some bowls, whisks, and whatever other stuff they would need. Virgil also seemed to be uncomfortable being left alone with some random dude. It was awkward and probably painful just being in the room for the two of them, not that either would ever let Remus know that.

“FOUND IT!”

Remus appeared with a yellow CD player and set it on the counter, eagerly bouncing as he plugged it in. “OK, now to decide on what to play!”

“If you have an aux cord for that thing, I have a playlist I think you’ll enjoy,” Virgil said.

“Yup! Right here!”

Dee watched the two set the thing up, though Virgil was being super protective of his phone while they did so. He ordered Remus to take three steps back before he opened the playlist. Dee wondered what horrors were about to come from the stereo as the first song started. Remus squealed in delight as Dee planted his face onto the counter. _The Gummy Bear Song._

“Is this-?”

Virgil grinned. “An entire playlist of meme songs? Yup. We have some favorites, some despised, and songs that transcend unspeakable horrors. Meme songs such as _Gangnam Style, Peanut Butter Jelly Time,_ and _What Does the Fox Say_. If it is a song and it is used in a meme, we got it.”

“I’m not even sure which category your examples belong in,” Dee muttered into the counter.

“Does it have _All-Star_ and _Never Gonna_?”

“What do you take me for? A heathen? Of course, it does. Those are classics.”

Virgil moved over to the bags and started pulling out baking supplies. “Alright, let’s do this. I’m ready to stress eat cookies.”

“Stress eat? About what? What game you’re going to play on the playground during recess?” Dee asked, picking up his head for the sole purpose of giving the teen a smirk.

“ _Please_ , I have a week’s worth of planning ahead for that. Gotta eat enough cookies before nap time so that we can wreak havoc while the teacher isn’t looking, duh.”

Dee mostly stood to the side while Remus and Virgil started working on the batters. It felt so _normal_ when everything felt so different. Remus was screeching every lyric while somehow maintaining a full conversation between the three of them. Virgil threatened Remus with his mixing spoon when the man tried to scoop out a handful of batter from his bowl. Dee and Virgil seemed to find a balance of tentative snark and roasting that worked.

The thing that shattered the ease was when _Sound of Silence_ came on. It had been his mom’s favorite song. His dad would always start humming it when he noticed she was in a bad mood or when she was stressed. It would only take a verse or two before she would usually smile and let him pull her into a dance while singing it. It had been so ingrained in them as a show of love that Remus had even started humming it to him when he was hurting.

Dee didn’t notice when he collapsed onto the ground. He didn’t notice Remus’s arms wrapping around him as he sobbed into his knees. He didn’t notice the music stop or the crinkle of some plastic bags. He did notice the extra person squat in front of him. Wordlessly, Virgil offered him a brand-new box of tissue. Dee blindly accepted it and pulled one out. The idea of some stranger seeing him break struggled with his pain for which should take precedence in his mind.

“It’s best to let those sorts of emotions run their course.” Virgil’s voice was hardly louder than a whisper as he shifted to sit. “No judgment, I promise.”

He wasn’t sure why, but that statement sent a new sob through him. Remus cooed as he pulled the sobbing man into his side, rubbing Dee’s back as he told him to let it all out. Every reservation that Dee had about sobbing in front of strangers or trying to keep it to a minimum around his husband was gone. It all came out: the tears, the sobs, the snot, the hiccups, everything.

Once all the tears he had in him were shed, he weakly curled in closer to his husband. Remus was hesitantly humming _Sound of Silence_ to him while he ran a hand up and down Dee’s back. Dee took a few minutes, cuddling his husband, before remembering that they were not alone. He quickly sat up, terrified of the judgment or pity or whatever else. Yet, as Dee looked into Virgil’s face, all he saw was understanding.

“I-I-…” Dee didn’t know what to say for once.

“It’s OK. Like I said, I’m not judging you. It’s hard to lose someone close to you. We all handle that pain differently.” Virgil fidgeted with his hoodie strings.

“And what would you know about that?” Dee didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but this teenager was trying to give him wisdom?

“I’ve lost some amazing people in my life, Dee. It hurts, and we all deal with that hurt differently. An old neighbor of mine–Mrs. Green– was the one who taught me how to cook, so when she died two years ago… I found myself cooking more and remembering all the times we spent together and all the lessons she gave me. It was comforting for me. In turn, Remy–my sibling– could barely look at food without feeling like someone gut-punched them. That pain hurts and we react differently to it. I promise I’m not judging you for needing to grieve. This is how you are dealing with it. What I will do is ask what I can do to help and if that’s to leave or pretend nothing happened, then I will do it.”

Dee wiped his face, before pulling together a more composed appearance, though not a perfect one as the kid had already seen him broken. “You’re too young to have wisdom about loss and that junk.”

“Wisdom comes from experience, not age, and I have had quite a bit of experience in loss and trauma…” Virgil was staring blankly at the cabinet in a way that unnerved Dee as if the teen were thousands of years old and watched so many pass.

Remus cleared his throat. “You’re probably exhausted, DeeDee. Why don’t you go take a nap? Anxie and I can finish up the cookies or he could just take the batter with him home. Whatever you want to do.”

Dee looked at the two of them before letting his eyes fly across the kitchen. “I… I think we should finish the cookies. I’m sorry I-“

“Nope, you are not apologizing. This was something you needed, so that matters more than cookie batter sitting in the fridge.” Virgil cut him off. “Don’t you dare think this was some hindrance or nuisance or whatever other dumb self-loathing things your grieving mind comes up with. It is OK to need a moment to process your emotions. As a sentient walking ball of anxiety, I know it’s tough, but you did nothing wrong. If you want to finish the cookies, sure, let’s do it, but if you’re doing it for Remus or me or whatever outside influence, don’t make yourself.”

“Please stop it with the ancient sage wisdom. It’s strange hearing it from a toddler.” Dee said, giving a small smile to the teenager to show he was joking.

Virgil returned it. “Have you not met a toddler? The shit that can come from them is kind of scary. I once had one who, in the middle of running around a park, look me straight in the eye and tell me that straight lines don’t exist. Then he promptly went back to playing as if he didn’t just shatter my fourteen-year-old world view.”

Dee tilted his head, confused, but eager to jump on the change of subject. They returned to work on the cookies as Virgil laughed and started to explain stuff about quanta and how nothing could be truly straight because the quanta that made things up were constantly moving. Then stuff about how ‘perfect’ shapes were only some mathematical rendering of world stuff. Dee felt like he was in a conspiracy lecture, but he could also see where Virgil was coming from.

Virgil placed the first tray of cookies into the oven. “So yeah, this toddler just straight up tells me that straight lines don’t exist and like he is technically right.”

“But Mothman is real,” Remus interjected.

Dee had no clue where that came from, but Virgil simply nodded. “Yes, Mothman is real and one day I will have proof to _finally_ prove Remy wrong.”

“Oh no, another cryptid hunter.” Dee groaned.

“Guilty as charged.” He answered, watching Dee set the timer. “But still, imagine all those wonderful homophobes who insist that being straight is natural. Like, nope. Nothing is straight, you can’t see straight, you aren’t straight. Of course, I haven’t been able to say it to one of those jerks, but like I enjoy the thought.”

“Anxie being angsty!”

“OK, not sure about that one. I’ve only heard angsty as a negative term about jerks who whine about how life isn’t fair. Please say you aren’t calling me a jerk, Remus.”

“Noooo! Angsty in the informal of angst which means to feel anxious, insecure, etc. It came from several branches of the Germanic language tree, with the same word angst. It was…”

Remus was cut off from his enthusiastic rant about language by some rock/metal song. Virgil pulled out his phone, rolling his eyes. “Sorry, it’s my sibling, I should take this.”

He answered the call, moving to the other side of the kitchen as if that made much of a difference. “Hey, Rems. What up?”

The timer dinged and Dee pulled out the tray of cookies as Virgil’s voice cut in. “What do you mean you set the kitchen on fire!?!”

Dee glanced at Remus before looking at the teen’s back as he responded to his sibling. “What do you mean you were only trying to boil water?”

Remus noted that Virgil wasn’t panicking so it wasn’t an emergency, so he slipped the next tray into the oven. “In what way is dumping a pot of boiling water on a smoking toaster a smart idea?”

Virgil pinched his eyes. “Bitch, get out of my kitchen. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You know how to call for pizza or walk over to the plaza for something else. I cook for a reason, dumbass.”

There was a pause before he sighed. “OK, fine. You are still banned from the kitchen though. See ya later.”

“Everything alright?” Dee asked carefully.

“Remy was a dumbass and set our kitchen on fire. They managed to put it out before it did any damage but apparently the house now stinks and they advise that I stay out for a couple of hours.”

“Is this the same sibling that went and bought a coffee machine instead of…”

“Only have one sibling and they are a dumbass.” Virgil moved over to peek at the cookies. “Anyways, the first batch looks good.”

After they placed the third tray into the oven, Virgil carefully picked up two cookies and offered it to them. “Time to taste test.”

He scooped up a cookie for himself as Remus raised his (collapsing) cookie. “To a weird future!”


	5. Becoming Friends While Spying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy meets and has dinner with Dee and Remus.

Remy was not OK. They were stressed beyond words as they searched for the house with the address Virgil provided them the first time he went to visit Remus and Dee. They parked and went straight to the door. It took a moment before the door clicked open and a short man with scarring along the side of his face glared at Remy.

“Whatever your selling, promoting, or whatever, we’re not interested.”

“ _Virgil has a date_.”

The man blinked. “What?”

Remy ran a hand through their hair. “Virgil has a date with someone in his class and he isn’t telling me anything about them and this isn’t usual for him not to tell me stuff and like it just feels wrong and I figured you two might understand and-“

“Wait, hold up. First of all, who are you and how do you know Anx?”

“Anx?” Remy asked, startled out of their panic. “You call Vee Anx?”

Dee raised an eyebrow at this random being, noting that the being was clearly a sandman. “You didn’t answer my question. I’m not about to give out information about a minor to some random being at my door.”

“Remy, they/them. I’m the idiot’s older sibling.” Remy answered, glad to see that Virgil at least had responsible friends.

Dee looked over them, a scowl forming. “No, I do not believe that.”

Remy huffed as they yanked out their phone and started showing this bastard pictures of the two of them. “Do you believe it now? Because I have other concerns right now.”

“Virgil is not a sandman, whereas you are. Therefore, I do not believe you.” Dee stated, not budging.

“We’re step-siblings, OK? My dad, his mom. Doesn’t make me any less his sibling.”

Dee eased a little with this, though he could tell there was something still off about this random being. “Okay, I’m still not sure I believe you, but I guess I’ll hear whatever you’re on about.”

Dee stepped out of the way and waved the sandman in. Remy entered and followed the other into a comfortable looking living room. They only moved to town about a month ago, but Remy could sense that this was a well-used room. Still, their thoughts shot back to the issue at hand as Dee waved a hand at the couch.

“OK, what about Vee?” Dee asked, taking a seat.

“He has a date tonight. With someone from his class.”

“And? Good for him? I’m not sure I see what the issue is.”

Remy ran a hand through their hair again. “Vee is only seventeen and attending a university. Which means he could be going out with someone twice his age, planning on using his youth and inexperience against him. Or some frat boy who only wants a good night.”

“This still feels more like a personal anxiety? Why not ask your _sibling_ about his date?”

“He refuses to tell me anything! Which is strange as he tells me just about everything! It just feels wrong and I know to trust my gut about stuff like this, OK? And like… why is it so hot in here?”

Dee blinked at the sandman. They shifted and looked mildly uncomfortable, but that really didn’t seem to knock the worried look off their face. Dee decided that they did seem to be truly concerned about Virgil if they were so oblivious to connecting the simple dots before them since they didn’t seem to notice he was a shifter upon immediately seeing him.

“I can’t regulate my body temperature too well. Anyways, why are you here, if you’re so worried about Virgil’s date?”

“I… well…” Remy wasn’t sure of their reason, in all honesty, it just felt right to seek these two out. “Vee has told me about you two and he also claimed that you were good at finding information out. Look, I just need help. I know you’ve spent more than ten minutes with the idiot, so you probably have seen how little self-preservation he has.”

“While this sounds _fascinating_ ,” Dee’s eyes couldn’t be rolling more as he talked. “This still isn’t something I think warrants whatever panic you’re in. He’s seventeen, let the dude enjoy his dating life.”

Remy shifted before sighing. “Could you at least see if he’ll tell you anything about it? Please.”

Dee huffed. “Will it get you out of my hair?”

“Yes.”

The man sighed but pulled out his phone and sent a message to Virgil. “Alright, I asked if he’s busy and wanted to come see a movie with Remus and me.”

It didn’t take long before a reply came. “He just said he’s busy with homework.”

But then a new message appeared before Dee had managed to lock his phone: _So, 5?_

_Dee: 5 what? [sent at 1322]_

_Anxie: oh sry, wrong chat. Asking some1 if 5 is correct for a homework problem I was stuck on [sent at 1323]_

“What’s he saying?” Remy asked.

“Something about math and sending a question to the wrong chat.”

“Math? He isn’t taking math though. He placed out of the required math classes.”

Dee shrugged. “I mean, he just said ‘so five’ so, maybe it was actually a time? Not my problem. Sure, it’s a bit weird that he wouldn’t just say he has a date, but on the other hand, Virgil has only known Remus and me for less than a month. Now, go away, Sandman.”

_“I hear an extra voice! Is Anxie here and you didn’t tell me!”_

Remy and Dee both jumped as the chaotic man ran screeching into the living room. He looked around and lost his excited grin, not seeing the friend he thought had shown up. Still, there was another person here, so he regained his smile and tackled the person in a hug. Remy, after hearing about the antics of Virgil’s new friends, handled the random attack fairly well.

“Hi! Oh, wait! Anxie has shown me pics of you! You’re his older sibling! What are you doing here? Did Anxie send you over to plaaaaaaaaay?”

Remy blinked, suddenly certain that every story Virgil had told them about this chaotic man was without a doubt true. “No, Virge has a date and I asked Dee if he could try and get any information out of my brother.”

“Anxie has a date!”

Remy wasn’t sure what to do with the man snuggling in closer to them. “Uh, yeah. Not sure about much more than that though.”

“Ree, come here.” Dee’s tone was so soft and caring that it almost gave Remy whiplash as the chaotic man squealed and scrambled over to cuddle his husband. “We talked about this, Ree. You can’t just touch people without permission.”

Remus gave him a pouting look. “I can’t help it, DeeDee.”

Dee sigh as he hugged Remus, “I know.”

“So…” Remus looked back at Remy, pulling Dee in closer to him. “Anxie has a date?”

“Wait, how do you even know he has a date if he’s being so secretive about it?” Dee asked.

“He was showing me a video when he got a text asking if he was still up for the date tonight. I managed to find out it was from one of his classmates before he stammered something about homework and ran for his room. It just feels weird and _wrong_ that he didn’t spill it out though. Even the most embarrassing of things, he’s told me about, all be it with a flaming face, but something as simple as a date? And there are a few things he hasn’t told me about, but he has stated that he will not talk about it and moved on to the next topic, not get flustered and run to his room.”

“Well, does he have a nearby restaurant or café that he feels comfortable going to? Sort of like a safe area?” Remus asked.

Remy was pulled from their worry. “Why?”

“Well, think about it. If he’s going on a date and got all flustered, it suggests that it’s a first date. If it’s a first, he’ll want to go somewhere he’s comfortable. We hung out at the park the first couple of times we chose to hang out. Since it’s a date, he’ll probably weigh it between comfort and nice while also choosing someplace public and where speaking is acceptable. That would get rid of the library or other nerdy things, leaving getting food or drinks together. While his date could be picking him up, since he’s being secretive about it, it would suggest that he might not need a ride. But also, if he’s being picked up, that would only cause him more anxiety over whatever could go wrong, so more likely it means he’s going to walk. So nearby restaurant or café where he’s comfortable.”

Remy blinked, staring in shock at the chaotic man, snuggling in close to his husband. “What are you, like Sherlock Holmes?”

“He’s an author, mostly in grim fiction and mystery,” Dee answered. “He’s good at looking at little clues like that and figuring out the puzzle.”

 _I swear Virgil has a knack for picking out weird friends…_ “Still, I now have an idea of what’s happening, so thanks. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Waaaaaaaaaait! Are you going to spy on Anxie’s daaaaate?!?”

“Of course, I am. Gotta make sure whoever tries for my brother’s heart is good enough for him.”

“Can I come!”

_“What?”_

Remy and Dee glanced at each other, surprised, before turning back to Remus, waiting for their answer. “I wanna come! I want to visit new places and get to know more about yoooooou! If you’re Anxie’s sibling and Anxie is my new best friend, we will get to know each other well! And… well, Dee has clam chowder cooking and I don’t particularly like clams.”

“Wait, why didn’t you tell me!”

“Because you like it?”

After a very long lecture from Dee about letting him know if Remus didn’t like something, to just tell him, and an argument about whether they were actually going to go spy on Virgil’s date, the three of them entered a little diner a block or two away. Dee could see why the little place would be comforting to Virgil, as it was designed like an indie coffee shop, but had full dinner service.

“Breaking tradition, Remy? I’m disappointed in you.”

Remy laughed. “Gurl, I’m a trendsetter. I break traditions all the time.”

“Uh huh, but you don’t come here on weekdays as you proudly announced you don’t like to move after dinner and you work on the weekdays.”

Remy adopted a snooty rich girl attitude as they commented, “Uh, I work weeknights, get it right, Rebecca.”

“Oh, excuse me, _Rachel_.” Dee wondered if this was a normal thing for the hostess and Remy. “Did I ask for the snark? Uh, no, so lose it before I abuse it.”

They stared at each other for a minute before both burst into laughter. “Lose it before I abuse it? Really, Becca?”

Dee glanced at Remus, wondering if he could convince the man to choose _any_ other place for dinner. Remus was laughing as well, though, so Dee saw the losing fight and decided not to bother. It took the two beings a full minute before they managed to stop laughing.

“So, where’s Vee? He running late?”

“No, he has a secretive date and I assume it’s going to be here. So, our friends and I decided to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

The hostess nodded. “Not surprised to hear this. Anyways, so a table for three then?”

“Yup. And let Chelsea know to start brewing a new pot.”

 _“Chelsea can hear and she has already started doing so!”_ a voice came from where Dee assumed the kitchen was.

The three of them were sat in some middle booths. Remy didn’t even look at the menu as they pulled a note pad out and started doodling, giving the husbands some time to look it over. A cup of coffee was set before them and they didn’t even give it a chance to cool down before taking a drink and letting out a sigh.

“You and coffee are the only valid OTP.” The server commented, grinning. “I see two new friends but no brother today.”

“Brother has a date that I’m going to spy on. These are two new friends who wanted to try a local place.”

She nodded, “Fair enough. Anyways, the usual?”

“Please.”

Once she took their order, Remus started asking all kinds of questions. Remy was thrown several times as the man jumped from different topics at lightning speed. _What’s your favorite movie? If you could fight any sea creature, which one would you fight? What are your opinions on Mothman? The Purge is happening: what are you doing? What’s your Hogwarts house?_

Their food arrived and they managed to finish with no sign of Virgil. Remy was getting antsy again but tried to keep it under wraps. Thankfully for them, that was when Virgil and his date decided to enter. One look was all it took for Remy to be sure they did not like this guy. The two were sat nearby, but Remy was certain Virgil hadn’t noticed them.

“Having tattoos is not a bad thing.”

Remy blinked as they looked at their notepad then up at Dee. “No, it isn’t. But if someone has a tattoo sleeve like that, they are capable of sitting still while being repeatedly stabbed over and over again.”

“Oooooh, I like you.” Remus’s grin unnerved Remy a bit.

_“…she kicked him out. I’m not sure how much more obvious it could be.”_

Remy tuned into Virgil’s conversation. It sounded like they were at least OK friends in class. They were discussing something about one of their classmates being kicked out for arguing with their professor, which Remy had already heard about, practically minutes after Vee got home yesterday.

“OK, what is the idea behind this list? It makes no sense.”

Remy looked down at their notebook and little comments they’d been writing. “There isn’t an idea. It’s just basic comments from my thoughts.”

Over at Virgil’s table, though, the conversation took a different turn. “OK, don’t turn around, but like the guy behind you keeps glaring over at us. I think he might be a homophobe.”

“Is he looking over here?”

“Not at the moment.”

Virgil pulled out his phone and used the selfie mode to peek at the person Jason was talking about. The second he caught sight of them though, he set the phone down and let his head fall onto the table, groaning.

“What do you know him? Is he?”

“No, they are ‘anyone my brother is interested in’ -phobic though.”

With that, Virgil stood up and started marching over. Remy caught sight of him and made as if to escape. Unfortunately, Virgil called them out on it and so they sheepishly offered a grin and greeted him as if both of them _didn’t_ know Remy was solely there to spy on Virgil’s date.

“Are you kidding me, Rems? I get being the protective older sibling thing but have you been… Wait, Dee? Remus? I thought you lot didn’t know each other?”

“We didn’t!” Remy answered, quickly. “I figured while you were on your date, I could get to know your new friends…”

“Remus, is Remy here to spy on me?”

“Yup! And I don’t like clams so we came as well! Though DeeDee doesn’t trust Remy.”

Virgil folded his arms, staring at Remy. Remy knew when they’d been caught, so started trying to justify the spying. Each comment made Virgil’s scowl bigger though. The poor guy Vee was on a date with was getting uncomfortable with this entire situation, so intruded and told Virgil that he would see him in class Monday.

Rebecca watched the entire scene, grinning to herself. Virgil might be pissed off at Remy for now, but that meant she didn’t have to inform him that his date was cheating on five other people with him, without anyone’s consent. She hated him and knew, when caught, he would pull the polyamorous card, contributing to the terrible stereotype of the orientation. He hurt her cousin, but she was glad he wasn’t going to hurt the poor emo she’d grown fond of. She told him to have a wonderful evening, pleased to note he recognized her.

It took a bit before Virgil had stopped scolding them for spying on his date. Remus and Dee quickly bailed once he started giving Remy the silent treatment. Dee had a lot of feelings regarding Virgil and Remy’s relationship and all of them felt wrong to him. So, once they arrived home and Remus went to work on his latest novel, Dee started digging to find out more about his friend and older sibling.

****

“Alright, dear. Go home and try to get some sleep.” The librarian said as Remy collected their bag.

“With my brother pissed off with me? Not going to happen.” Remy answered, offering her a sad smirk. “Being fair, I deserve it, but I have to bribe him into ending the silent treatment before I can mentally relax and sleep on my own.”

“Tell Virgil I say hello, then. See you tomorrow, dear.”

Remy left the library, disgusted to be attacked by the early morning light. _It’s too early for light_. Still, they took a deep breath, taking in the scent from the café across the street and the sound of the kids screeching from whatever morning event was happening today.

 _“We need to talk._ ”

Remy spun to see Dee sitting on the little wall sectioning off the little garden. “Don’t scare me like that. And what do we need to talk about? Yes, I know Vee is pissed about me spying, but that’s between me and him.”

Dee stood up and tapped his satchel. “I found out something that you might like to discuss… privately. If not, I plan on sending a tip to law enforcement.”

Dee was pleased to see Remy become more alert to this statement. They narrowed their eyes at him before agreeing and pulling out their phone. They answered Dee’s look with a simple ‘letting Vee know I’m having coffee with a friend so he doesn’t worry’ as they typed out the message and sent it off.

“Where did you want to talk?” Remy asked.

“I’ll leave that up to you. Somewhere we can walk to though.”

Remy shrugged. “Café it is then. Let’s go.”

The little café was filled with people trying to get their morning coffee. Dee and Remy managed to claim a table in a little tucked away corner. Remy got both of them coffee (to Dee’s disagreement) before they were finally ready to talk.

“OK, so is it about the jerk Vee was on a date with? Cause Becca informed me that he was a cheater.”

“No, this is about you and Virgil. I know he isn’t your brother.”

“Yeah, I told you, we’re step-siblings.”

“No, your mother was never married and your dad died before you were born,” Dee stated, pulling the file he brought out of his bag. “You vanished from school at thirteen, transitioning to online but no one ever saw you. Your mom died roughly one and a half years ago, but no one knew where you were until a week after when you suddenly reappeared in this town with a teenager in tow.”

Remy’s mouth fell open. “How… where did… what… when did you…”

“I know how to get information. Now, I’m willing to hear your side of this story, but from where I am standing, you are a threat to Virgil and I will not stand by and watch him get hurt.”

Remy rubbed the back of their neck, glancing around. “OK, fine, we aren’t technically siblings in a legal setting sense, but if you are implying that I kidnapped him or something, you’re completely wrong.”

“Then please, do tell,” Dee commented. “The only reason I haven’t already made a tip is that Virgil does seem to know and care about you. So, I want answers.”

“I knew you were a snake shifter, but I didn’t realize you were also other meanings of the term snake as well,” Remy stated, irritably. “Fine, look, I met him when I was fifteen and he was thirteen. We were runaways and became friends. I came of age and my mom died so I inherited her power and therefore was able to start properly providing for the both of us. No one really questioned the idea that we were siblings and I managed to get some connections to establish some basic citizenship data for him so he could finish school. So, happy?”

“Does he know about you being a sandman?” Dee asked.

“No, and you better not mention _any_ kind of suggestion of magic being real to him or else I will be pissed and you don’t want that. It is best that he stays in the dark about this, and that is something you will _not_ get me to explain my reasoning on.” Dee could tell that Remy wasn’t lying about that, at least. “And you better not tip off the cops because Virgil is infinitely better off now than when I met him five years ago. That bastard will never get near Virgil again; I won’t allow it. I don’t care if we are not real siblings, he is my younger brother and I will not stand by and watch anyone hurt him like that.”

_“Well, you ran off the cute guy I was interested in, so hypocrite much?”_

The two jumped and saw Virgil standing in front of their table, arms folded, and an unamused look on top. While Remy wasn’t too happy with the comment, they were glad to at least hear Virgil’s voice. _Silent treatment is the worst._

“What, are you two plotting to ruin any future dates of mine?”

He pulled the file over to skim before his eyes knit in confusion. “Wait, what is all of this?”

“Dee apparently went digging and found out the truth.”

Remy saw the panic in the guy’s eyes. They jumped up and pulled over a chair, just in time to keep the panicking teen from collapsing onto the floor. They knelt and started working Virgil through grounding exercises, while Dee watched. Once Virgil reached the peak of his panic attack, his eyes flashed and the file spontaneously combusted, burning out of existence in less than a blink of an eye without a single outsider noticing.

“Hey, it’s OK,” Remy said gently as Virgil started responding to the grounding techniques. “He hasn’t told anyone else. You’re still safe, Vee.”

It took a couple more minutes to calm Virgil down enough for him to look at Dee with those strangely mismatched eyes. “Please, swear that you won’t tell anyone, Dee. Please. I can’t let that bastard of a father find me.”

Dee had seen that same look of terror in Remus’s eyes before, when he admitted to the abuse he received from his foster parents, and he knew he couldn’t send someone back into an environment that created that look of terror. “I promise I won’t tell… I ask that you tell or let me tell Remus, as I don’t want to hide something from my husband, but only with your permission. Alright, Anx?”

The teenager nodded, weakly. “OK, why- why don’t the two of you come over tonight and we watch movies? And I’ll tell him then…”

“Sounds good to me,” Dee answered gently before deciding it would be best to turn his friend’s attention away from the current topic. “Now, a question for you about a text. Why weren’t you at the restaurant at 5 like you said?”

Virgil blinked at him in confusion for a moment. “What?”

Remy saw the distraction Dee was using and was grateful for it. “You apparently sent a text saying ‘so 5’ to Dee. You weren’t at the diner until like six, six-thirty.”

“I… It was a homework question?”

“What sort of college math class leaves you with an answer of 5? It was obviously the time to meet up for the date.” Dee had an eyebrow raised, trying to help his friend relax after the terror he had accidentally caused.

Virgil looked between Remy and Dee, confused. “I’m not in a math class though?”

“Exactly! So, it was a meetup time!” Remy announced, proudly.

“No? It was me asking someone in my botany class if 5 was the correct answer to the number on the pH scale for the least acidic soil that blueberries could tolerate. Apparently, they thrive in 4.0 to 5.0 pH soil. I thought I said that it was just a homework problem, not math.”

Dee went red. “I thought it was math before Remy informed me that you weren’t in math.”

Remy couldn’t help the laugh as they commented, “guess you don’t know everything there, snake detective.”

“Oh look, you are getting the murder stare, Rems. Looks like you two are already best friends.” Virgil commented, with a weak grin.


	6. Where Ya Movin To, Doc?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snapshot of why Emile's mom is the worst(tm).
> 
> aka. Emile's grandparents give him things in their will, leading him to move into town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: misgendering, deadnaming, discussion of grandparents dying, unsympathetic mother pretending that she is sympathetic, minor emotional manipulation, disregard of a will
> 
> So as we head into Emile's story, I want to give you all some fair warning that there will be some minor dysphoria discussed. Other than his parents and one barista who picked the wrong place to work (next chapter thing), people are accepting of him. It's just a heads up for you all. This is the main hit of transphobia, otherwise, it's just mostly Emile dealing with a crush and people being accepting.

~2 years later

_“I don’t understand why you don’t want to come home for winter break, Hope. You never come visit us anymore, not after telling us that you were trying to learn about yourself better.”_

Emile made a face as his hands tightened around the steering wheel. “I have a lot of research to do, Mom. My master’s defense in next semester and there’s a lot of research and work that I need to do for it. No one will be in the library during the break so I won’t have to fight as much to get the material I need.”

_“Still, we want to see you, sweetheart.”_

“I know, but this is just a bad time for me to do any traveling, Mom.”

There was a huff. _“Sure, you don’t have time to come visit the people paying for your education and living expenses, but you’ll drop everything on a moment’s notice to visit your grandparents. I see who you love more.”_

“That’s different though, Mom. Grandma and Grandpa are just outside side of town whereas visiting you and Dad are three hours both ways. Plus, Grandma said this was important and they don’t tell me it’s important unless it is. I’ll come visit after my defense. I won’t be stressed and need as much time as possible to prepare.”

_“How do you ever expect to find a husband like this, Hope? All you do is schoolwork and watch those dumb cartoons. Men aren’t interested in a young la-“_

“Sorry,” Emile quickly cut in. “I need to go, Mom. I just arrived at the place Grandma wanted me to meet them. Talk to you later. Bye.”

He hung up the phone and let his head fall onto the steering wheel. He knew he was avoiding his parents, but they still saw him as a girl, and that just took its toll on him. He hated being called Hope. He hated the she/her pronouns they kept using. He absolutely hated that they had decided that him being trans was just some sort of self-discovery thing that would eventually end, and he would go back to being their ‘wonderful daughter’.

_Tap. Tap._

Emile jumped, only to see his grandmother grinning at him. He laughed as he turned off his old Honda and grabbed his bag. His grandmother kept making little faces at him and pretending as if he were taking forever to get out of his car. With a grin, he locked the car, squirmed in his seat as if he were getting comfortable, and shut his eyes.

“Nooooo! My adorable grandson is trying to go to sleep! I will not stand for this!”

Emile let go of the tension the call with his mom gave him as he started laughing. “But you are standing, Grandma.”

Still, he climbed out and hugged her. “So, what is all this about? Why did you ask me to meet you at some attorney’s office?”

She lost her grin at this and sighed. “As much as it’s hard to say and probably hard to hear, Grandpa and I don’t expect to be around much longer. We wanted to make sure that our will is up to date and whatnot. There are some things we wished to have you present while being discussed.”

“Oh…”

“Come on, Emile. It won’t be that painful… or at least less painful than listening to your mother try to convince you to go home and be misgendered and deadnamed all winter break.”

“She wants me to go meet some work friend’s son.”

“You can do better than him if it’s the same man she’s been boasting about wanting as her son-in-law. He’s a sexist pig and makes me wonder, all over again, where Grandpa and I went wrong raising Zoey. I mean come on, she was practically raised attending civil rights protests every other week. We did alright with Jon, but what happened with her?”

Emile listened as she called out all the wrong and horrible things his mother did towards minority groups, ranting about why it was wrong and how she was wrong for being so xenophobic. It always eased something in him, listening to her do it. Sure, it could be bad for someone else, listening to her rants, but he found comfort in hearing a family member he was so close to validate who he was and ensure that any little worms of doubt were flushed out with each point. She also ensured that he didn’t feel like she was singling him out. It was nice and really helped, especially after that phone call.

_“Oh, I hear civil rights rants. They must be outside.”_

“You old fart, they are speeches worthy of immortalization! They should be recorded so that school children long after we’re gone can listen and be inspired by them!”

“You say the same thing about your oatmeal recipe, mad coon.”

“Amelia, Nathaniel, is there something the two of you don’t bicker about?” Emile’s eyes shot towards the man in a suit sitting at the desk.

 _“Emile.”_ They answered promptly.

He couldn’t help the fat smile on his face as he answered. “That is wrong, and we all know it. Last time I visited, you two spent the first ten minutes arguing about who got to drag my bag to my room, while I went in with said bag and started a movie, expecting the two of you to go on longer.”

“And I’ve heard you two viciously argue about whether water was a drink or not.” The man added.

Emile’s grandmother dramatically slumped into a chair next to his grandfather. “Oh, fiiine. You boys just _have_ to take the fun out of it, don’t you?”

The man chuckled as he turned to look at Emile. “So, I take it that you are Emile. Pleasure to finally meet you, young man. I knew your mother… quite well.”

“Quite well? Larry, you were married to the beast.”

“Wait-… Mom was married before Dad?” Emile wondered if he looked as shocked as he felt.

“For a total of six months. Then she found out that I’m bisexual and did everything to erase me from her history. Unfortunately for her though, her parents are weirdos I like to keep in touch with.” The man-Larry apparently- laughed. “Though, I am still irritated that she set the court date or whatever for the same day and time as I was sitting the LSAT so basically won everything in the divorce settlement. Not that we had much in the first place.”

Emile's grandfather chuckled. “You were probably the real winner in that divorce, Larry. You were freed from Zoey and you met Dot. And this is coming from Zoey’s father, so you know it’s true.”

“But anyway, I hear your grandparents plan to give your mother the finger in their will.”

“We hadn’t discussed those points with him yet.”

“What is happening?” Emile asked, so confused that he might as well have been Patrick Star trying to open the pickle jar.

His grandmother sighed. “Alright, look, dear. We all know your mother may put up the ‘pretense’ of being accepting of you, but not kicking you out or disowning you is _not_ accepting you. Grandpa and I also know she has been holding your education and living over your head. It’s probably not that difficult to realize that while not much, our presence in your mother’s life has probably been the only thing keeping her from more… _drastic_ measures regarding who you are. We want to make sure you are safe and taken care of, Emile. You can’t help who you are and your mother is not accepting of it. We asked you to come because we are going to discuss how we plan to split our belongings in our will and explain how you are to handle some of the situations that might arise.”

Emile didn’t like what he was hearing. “Um, just what are you suggesting, Grandma?”

The lawyer dude–Larry–answered. “We are going to make your mother think she got the better end of the deal when in fact at least half of your grandparents’ will be going to you. Knowing Zoey, she will throw a fit after things settle down, even thinking she got the better half because she is just a terrible person, that you received a fair portion of the will. So, we are going to discuss with you how to act if- _when_ she does and how it will proceed.”

Emile’s grandfather pulled a paper over and started scribbling words down. “So, first of all, as you will probably understand more as we discuss, we will be splitting our money first in half, with half going to you and the other half being further split in half for both of your parents. You probably heard about how we won that major house remodel prize thing a year ago. Well, we used it to remodel the house your mother was raised in. We are going to transfer the title into your name beforehand while promising the beach house in the Keys to your mother in the will. Though, I don’t believe your current lease is up for several months, so we’ll take care of whatever the house requires, while you can continue living in the apartment until the lease is up. Anyways, we are going to give her the few things she absolutely wants while phrasing it that we are just dumping the excess upon you. This is to try and appease her, but just in case, Larry has already agreed to handle any legal issues your mother might try and throw at you. Free of charge, unless there is a court-ordered repayment of lawyer fees, then he’s ripping her another one. I would love to say that she wouldn’t dare go against our will and just let you have what we leave you, but this is the woman who had civil rights activists as parents and a gay and proud brother growing up and still somehow ended up unaccepting.”

“Wait… aren’t you going to leave Uncle Jon and his family anything? It doesn’t seem that fair to leave everything to Mom and me.”

Emile saw the look pass between his grandparents, but he couldn’t tell what they were thinking as his grandmother answered. “Jon’s family is well off, Emile. Plus, it would be difficult for them to accept anything we leave them, with them living out of the country. He would rather we worry about making sure you’re safe and on more stable grounding than you currently are on.”

“Oh…”

Larry cleared his throat. “Alright, let’s start working on this boring paperwork stuff.”

With that, his grandparents and Larry started talking specifics about items and things to include in the will. _So and so will go to… Zoey loathes…_ Emile really didn’t like this discussion though. His grandparents were his escape from the junk his mother put him through and here he was listening to them decide who would get what once they were gone. And sure, they were well into their eighties but that didn’t mean he wanted to think about what’ll happen once they were! While he fully understood why they were doing this, and completely appreciated it, it was just uncomfortable to listen to explanations of how something phrased would make it hard for his mother to exploit his grandparents’ will. Emile scoffed at that absurdity. What kind of person would go against their parents’ will to harm their child because of something they couldn’t help! Emile really should sort out his feelings about his parents eventually…

“Alright, now to call Zoey and record her agreeing to this all.” Emile’s grandfather commented, pulling him out of his musings.

Larry chuckled as he pulled a tape recorder out of his desk. “Do you think she’ll recognize my voice?”

“Well, we’ll find out.” He answered, already calling Emile’s Mom.

_“Hello?”_

“Hello, dear. We’re ready to formally disclose what we’re doing with our will.”

 _“Ugh, finally. Let’s get this over with.”_ Emile wasn’t sure he was surprised that she sounded like she’d been expecting this phone call all day.

“Hello, I am the attorney working with your parents on writing their will. They have requested that this conversation be recorded for the records. Do you consent to be recorded for this purpose? Please repeat the question in your formal response to ensure that you understand the request.”

Emile could almost hear the annoyed huff from his mother. _“If I must. I formally agree to be recorded.”_

“Please state your name, date of birth, and the name of the high school you graduated from, to serve as identification for the record.”

She actually huffed but answered the questions as Larry requested. Once that was done, they moved onto listing out the possessions she would inherit. Emile noted that they seemed to gloss over the percentage of the money his parents would receive, only referencing it as ‘a split of the money.’ Once they were finished listing her inheritance, Larry repeated the same process of identity stuff with Emile. His portion was left as a more general idea of ‘whatever else not specified.’

“This includes the family house, just so you are aware, Zoey. We are leaving the house in the Keys to you, so we are leaving the family house to Emile. We plan to move with transferring the house into his name now so as to ease some of the burdens after our passing.” Emile’s grandfather stated.

Emile could almost see her mind weighing everything before she seemed to decide it was a fair trade. _“Alright, I understand.”_

“Now, we have two conditions to place upon the inheritance.” His grandmother stated, carefully. “First, you and your husband handle whatever expenses come in connection to our deaths.”

Larry cleared his throat. “This would include but is not limited to funerary costs, medical bills, and fees associated with transferring titles. Do you agree to this condition?”

_“Fine, whatever. I agree. What is the second condition?”_

“Emile is not allowed to attend any of our funeral events. We will not deny him the right to grieve our passing, but he is not to attend any event you or your husband may host in connection to our deaths.”

“What?” Emile asked, surprised.

His grandmother leaned over to answer softly so as to avoid having it on the recording as his mother huffed but agreed. “We don’t want you to have to deal with your parents any more than you need too. I know this is a hard request, but it’s for your safety. You can grieve and hold your own rites or whatever, but you don’t need to put yourself in danger by coming to a funeral.”

“Emile, do you agree to the first condition that your parents are responsible for costs in connection with your grandparents’ deaths?”

“Yes, I agree.” _He felt gross agreeing to this._

“Do you agree to the second condition in which you will not attend any funerary events?”

 _Good thing he hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast many hours ago._ “I-uh, yes. I agree.”

“Great, then this will conclude this discussion regarding the will unless there are any objections?” Larry announced.

Silence answered him.

“Perfect, the discussion is now finalized, and I will just need Amelia and Nathaniel to sign. You are free to end the phone call now.”

 _“Great.”_ _Click._

“Wow, a single word before the call ended.” Emile’s grandfather commented.

****

~4 months later

_Two months. They’ve only been gone for two months and she had already escalated this to court._

Emile really didn’t like his mother sometimes… or always… or… he really should sort his feelings out soon. The funeral hadn’t even taken place before she was calling an attorney for her share of the inheritance and then fighting for what Emile was to receive. He had even started receiving calls from the hospital for payment! Now, here he was sitting in a courtroom, listening to Larry playback the recording of his mom agreeing to the will and conditions and explaining that Emile had followed his condition while she hadn’t.

He wasn’t too interested in what they were all discussing. Larry had assured him that the case was strongly in their favor, so he didn’t need to worry. He could tell that Larry was right, so he allowed himself to mentally plan how the rest of the day after this was done. He was officially moving into the house once this was over, now that his lease was finally up. He didn’t have a lot of stuff so it was all already packed up and ready to go. He just needs to have this done, and maybe get some food before he hit the highway.

_“THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!”_

He looked over to see his mother furiously screeching about having been deceived and whatnot. The judge eventually threatened her with contempt of court before announcing that they were obligated to uphold their deal and a couple of other things or their share of the inheritance would be awarded to Emile before dismissing them. Larry gave his ex-wife a smug look before quickly shepherding Emile out of the courtroom.

“Hey, let me buy lunch in victory,” Larry said. “You look like you need to vent and I happen to understand the struggle with knowing Zoey.”

So, several hours later, a vent session that left Emile’s voice scarce, and having too many people tailgate him on the highway, he pulled into the place he was now able to call home. He went in and was surprised to see that _everything_ looked brand new in the giant house. Emile wondered just how big a prize his grandparents won in that home remodel thing or if they had lied to him and paid quite a bit to make it nice. Still, he had stuff to yank out of the moving truck he rented, and he wanted to return it today so that he didn’t have to pay for an extra day, so he shoved the thought out of his head and got to work.

_“…alligator hunter!”_

Emile stepped back to see who was talking, just in time to have someone barrel straight into him. Both of them hit the ground and the box of books spilled. Emile sat up, as the person started to frantically apologize as they quickly piled books back into the box. He managed to catch sight of the person’s eyes and felt himself freeze, seeing not only two different colors, but one eye being bright purple, a color he was almost certain wasn’t possible for human eyes.

_“Ohh! This one works in a mortuary!”_

“I- Sorry for running into you and bailing but my friend stole my phone and is swiping on Tinder. I gotta-“ The person said, already jumping to their feet and started after their friend, who was cackling. “REMUS! GIVE ME THAT BACK! YOU’RE GOING TO HOOK ME UP WITH A MURDERER!”

Emile blinked before laughing. _That’s one way to be welcomed to the neighborhood, I guess._ He got up and went back to unpacking, wondering how the person’s Tinder situation was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I am not sorry for whatever emotional turmoil you feel towards Emile's mom. She is terrible and Emile is about to find a better family.


	7. It's Just a Crush!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emile falls in love with the cute security guard who helps him find his thesis and they get coffee together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: some dysphoria and internalized transphobia, misgendering, minor spoiler but I figure it is warranted: Emile blurts out that he's trans due to panic (Remy responds with "OK?" followed by ensuring that they are using the right name and pronouns for him)  
> (Please let me know if you need anything tagged)
> 
> I don't think I made it clear in the main story (as it was mostly following Virgil), but Remy is demiromantic asexual while Emile is pan in this au. Hopefully that makes some of the points clearer while reading this chapter!

~2 months later

_[GrannyBoss]: Hello, dearie. Are you awake and/or feeling like falling asleep soon? A sweet young man left something and is panicking over it. I don’t want to send him over if you aren’t up though. [sent at 2031]_

_[Me]: I had a long nap before coming, so I should be fine for a couple hours. Send him on over. [sent at 2032]_

_[GrannyBoss]: Wonderful, I will send Emile right over, then. [sent at 2033]_

Remy set aside their phone, glad to have Catherine as a boss. Unlike so many other employers, she was willing to hire someone with narcolepsy. It gave Remy an excuse where their money was coming from and they loved having long nights with the library to themselves. They pulled the book they were currently reading closer, waiting for the person.

Not too long after, Remy saw a pair of headlights flash through the windows. They stood up and opened the door as a disheveled man ran up. Catherine hadn’t been lying; the guy looked close to tears as he arrived at the door Remy was holding open for him. He was breathless as he apologized to Remy.

“Hey, it’s chill. I take it that you are Emile?” Remy said.

He nodded, though his mind was wondering if there was a hotter person on this planet than the person holding open the library door. “Yeah. Still, I’m sorry for being an inconvenience. It’s just that file has my most recent paper with comments from my professor. And my thesis defense is on Friday so I need to find it. And I got so distracted listening to Tinder guy argue with his friend about whether a Pop-Tart is a sandwich or not that I must not have put my thesis in my backpack like I had thought.”

“No problem, Emile. Come on, I’ll help you look.” Remy said, opening the door wider for him. “By the way, I’m Remy, they/them.”

“Oh, Emile, he/him,” Emile answered, running a hand through his hair.

“So, where were you working on it? Probably the best place to start looking.”

It took only five minutes to find Emile’s folder, accidentally slipped between the worktable and wall. Remy had managed to get the guy to calm down and start talking about the work he was doing while they looked, so once they found the file, Emile finally relaxed. Remy asked another question about the work and Emile eagerly started explaining in more detail about his research into the utilization of cartoons in a therapy setting.

“So, yeah! That’s the basics. I could go way deeper and explain stuff like previous research and whatnot but… you probably aren’t interested in that.” Emile said, realizing that he was talking this stranger’s ears off about his dumb research project.

“Contrary, I am very interested. I would absolutely love to hear more. I know it helps my younger brother when he teaches me whatever he’s struggling with, so maybe it’ll help prepare you for your defense. Though, I do have to admit I haven’t seen an episode of Avatar the Last Airbender.” Remy answered, wondering why they weren’t ready to say goodbye to this stranger.

Emile looked at them, surprised. He glanced at his watch, knowing that he was pushing the limits of wearing his binder, but this _very_ hot stranger was interested in hearing him discuss his research? And he got to introduce them to an amazing TV show? Maybe he can work around this.

“Uh, alright. Just let me go to the restroom real quick.” He answered, awkwardly.

“No prob, gurl. Take your time.”

Emile hated that he flinched at that. “Please don’t call me girl.”

“Oh, sorry. Would you prefer boi? Or something gender-neutral? Or would you rather me not use something like that?” Remy instantly answered, thankfully not asking Emile _why_.

“Umm, could you just not?” Emile wanted to fling himself out a window to avoid this awkwardness, though Remy seemed chill with it.

“No prob! I apologize for making you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s no problem,” _even if being called girl made his skin crawl_. “I’ll be right back.”

Once Emile came back, wrapped up in an oversized hoodie, he waited for some comment about his appearance. He knew it was dumb and normally it didn’t matter to him how he looked, but he could tell he already had a huge crush on this person and that just stressed him out. Yet, Remy glanced up, smiled as they set aside the book they were reading–Emile was surprised to see it was _Silent Spring_ by Rachel Carson– to give him their full attention.

They noticed his gaze. “Have you read this?”

“Yeah, a few years ago, for one of my classes. Not my favorite kind of science, though. I just… well, you don’t seem the type to read something like that.”

Remy shrugged, leaning back in their seat. “My brother was practically livid once he finished the book. Plus, I enjoy reading, so I figured I’d read up and know what he is screeching about half the time. Anyways, this theory you’re working on…”

Emile couldn’t help the smile as Remy offered a question to start him off on discussing his research again. He took a seat and excitedly started laying down the background leading up to his hypothesis. Then, he started interlacing it with an explanation of why he picked specific scenes from Avatar to help support the point. Remy was a good listener too. They asked a couple of questions that made Emile think and work out an answer or scribble down to find an answer for later.

As he talked, Remy sat enthralled in the other’s knowledge, when a simple idea of _I might like him_ shot through their head. Remy would be the first to admit that while they were an absolute flirt, they didn’t actually fall in love easily. In fact, other than familial and platonic love, Remy would argue they’ve never been in love. Yet, listening to Emile talk, especially as he pulled out graphs and other data points, Remy wondered if this was what all those sappy romantic love things were talking about. As with each word, Remy began to be more fascinated by the man before them.

Eventually, Remy blinked just a little too long and their brain decided that they were comfortable and this was the perfect time to send them straight to sleep. Emile was still talking as he flipped through his folder, looking for a specific graph when he heard a small thump. He looked up and saw Remy fast asleep.

He sat there, stunned. _Did I really bore them that much?_ Something in him sank as he realized that Remy had probably only been acting civilly and hadn’t actually wanted to listen to his research. He was probably just too heart-eyed to have noticed. Emile probably annoyed the person to no end.

Emile glanced at the exit, wondering if he should just leave. Yet, Remy was technically at work, so he gently tried to wake them. Unfortunately, they were fast asleep, so didn’t do much more than take a deep breath. Emile sighed as he sat down, deciding that he would keep an eye out while Remy slept. Once they woke up, Emile would apologize for boring them and then leave.

Remy slept for an hour, finding it was the most peaceful sleep they’ve had in a while. They yawned as they rubbed their eye. They had even had a random dream about people flinging water and fire around like nothing.

“Oh, you’re awake.” A voice interrupted Remy’s awakening. “Sorry for misunderstanding and boring you to sleep. I made sure nothing happened, so I guess I’ll just leave now.”

Remy wasn’t even fully aware of what they were doing as they scrambled to their feet. The psychology nerd looked heartbroken as he swung his bag onto his shoulder and that hurt Remy to see. They frantically tried to move around the table but ended up tripping over their chair and falling face-first onto the ground.

All the while, words were frantically flying out of their mouth. “No! You are brilliant! You weren’t boring me, I swear! It was just- oh shit, I forgot to warn you about my narcolepsy! Shit, you probably think I’m incredibly rude for falling asleep like that. I’m so sorry. I usually remember to announce it early on in conversations but I completely forgot to mention it and you were just so brilliant that it didn’t cross my mind to notice any of my normal signs. But that all probably doesn’t matter to you. Shit, shit, shit. You probably hate me, and I don’t blame you. Just some random person falls asleep while you are talking about your passion and leaves you thinking that they didn’t care. Oh shit, I am so sorry and that probably doesn’t matter, but I can’t stop because I messed up and-“

“Hey, take a deep breath, Remy,” Emile said, trying to sound as calm as he could. “You are having an anxiety attack. Let’s get you breathing properly, then we can talk, alright? I’m going to count and I want you to follow my breathing, alright? Come on…”

It took Emile a bit to finally get Remy to breathe properly. It was a struggle as they kept breaking off to apologize and tell him that they screwed up. He wasn’t sure what to think as Remy had literally tripped over nothing and gone into an anxiety attack for falling asleep, so he would at least listen to whatever Remy was frantically saying once they got their breathing under control. Still, no one deserved to have an anxiety attack, so he helped them get their breathing under control.

He helped them into their seat before finally saying, “so, I’m willing to listen, so you don’t need to panic again, but I didn’t really catch what you said.”

“I-well-it…” Remy gulped. “I have narcolepsy and so I randomly fall asleep. I normally tell people early on in the conversation, as I have fallen asleep mid-conversation, but I forgot to tell you. You were just so excited about your research and it was just so interesting that I forgot to mention it. I’m so sorry for just randomly falling asleep on you. It wasn’t you. It was completely me and I’m surprised you’re still here.”

Emile nodded. “I didn’t want to leave the library when the night guard was asleep. Though, I’m glad to know that I didn’t bore you to sleep. So… do you really tell people you’re talking to that you have narcolepsy? It kind of feels like one of those things most people would keep to themselves?”

“Well, if I don’t, and honestly even if I do, a lot of people get mad when I do accidentally fall asleep. You know, ‘you’re too young to be that tired’ kind of stuff. I swear that it’s a real condition and that I can’t control it.”

“I know narcolepsy is real. I’m sorry to hear that you suffer from it. I’m also sorry for thinking badly when you fell asleep.” Emile admitted, sheepishly.

Remy blinked in surprise. “You’re not- you- you believe me?”

“Do people not?”

“Yeah, pretty often.”

“Oh, well, I believe you.”

Remy sat there for a moment in shocked surprise that this stranger not only made sure no one stole anything while Remy was asleep, he actually believed them after the fact that they fell asleep while he was talking. They realized that not only was this man a nerd, but he was also incredibly sweet and forgiving.

“I-uh-so… do you want to talk some more?” they asked, not sure what else to say.

Emile looked at his bag, where his research was already packed away. “Maybe not about psychology, as I’m a bit burnt out on that, right now.”

“Then, maybe we can get to know each other a bit better?” Remy suggested, hopefully.

“I’d enjoy that.”

They started to talk more about themselves and Emile’s crush, which had been a little crushed thinking he’d bored Remy to sleep, started to grow stronger. He discovered that the library owner, who had been his grandparents’ friend, had ended up grandfathered into some insurance plan where if she could show something was stolen, the insurance would pay for a replacement. But, as the insurance wanted every chance to avoid that, required she hire security and install security cameras. So, she hired people who normally would have a difficult time finding employment, such as people with narcolepsy, and would just file a stolen property form or something with the police, which was good enough for the company.

He learned that Remy had a younger stepbrother who was practically their entire world and definitely heard a lot about this mysterious brother. “Yeah, I don’t even know how it happened, but like it was just ‘protect this dumb child at all costs’ and that was it.”

In turn, Remy offered condolences when they heard that Emile’s grandparents passed recently. They were rightly aghast when Emile admitted he had a bad relationship with his parents, though he didn’t specify more, still waiting for the questions. Remy, instead, asked about his favorite cartoons and opinions on some show theories they knew about.

When Remy asked about his comments when he arrived, Emile ended up explaining more about the random guy he’d been referring to as Tinder guy. How this dude barreled straight into him, chasing after his friend, and how he just kept seeing this guy around doing the weirdest stuff. Remy made a comment about that sounding like their brother and their friends but asked for more of the stories Emile had about Tinder guy. He explained about the Goose Incident, seeing him frantically turn off alarms that his friend set to go off in a store, the weird conversations and arguments he’s overheard, and more about the nonsense that had happened earlier that distracted Emile so much that he misplaced his thesis. Remy just happily listened along, wondering how long until Virgil adopted this Tinder guy into their weird-ass group of friends.

Eventually, Remy fell asleep again, but this time Emile was more prepared when it happened. He pulled out a book and read, letting Remy sleep. Once they woke up, there was only an hour left of their shift, so with a small sheepish grin, Remy asked if Emile would go get coffee with them once their shift was over. Emile gave them a shy smile and agreed while his mind was frantically screaming in excitement.

_“My, my. What do we have here?”_

“Good morning, Cathy,” Remy answered, not even looking over as the woman moved to the help desk.

Emile noticed the sly smirk on the elderly woman’s face though. “Sorry, Mrs. Libra. Remy and I started talking and, it seems we talked all night.”

“What have we talked about, Emile?”

“Oh… right… sorry… Catherine.”

“Good man. Now, what is this I hear about a little coffee date?” Neither of them answered, which was enough of an answer for her. “Go on, you crazy kids. Have a wonderful coffee date.”

So, Remy quickly gathered their stuff, thanking her, wondering if she had planned this. They went across the street and waited in line, still talking. Emile wondered when the last time he had spoken so much with one person in a single day. It was really nice, so Remy was like totally winning the most amazing person award with being so hot and kind, not that Emile would admit that to them.

“Hello, welcome to Juniper Café. My name is Diana. What can I get for you?”

“Oh, you must be the new employee I’ve heard about. I’m Remy, they/them. You’ll see a lot of me.” Remy said, grinning at her. “Can I get a large Blonde Roast iced coffee?”

She scribbled it on a cup before turning to Emile. “And for you?”

“I’ll just take a medium green tea lemonade, thanks.”

“Of course, ma’am.” She said, before looking back at Remy. “That’ll be 5.49, sir.”

Emile’s skin crawled, but Remy was already on it. “Hey, so uh… you’re new here, so I will offer some advice that there are a lot of queer people in this part of town. Probably best not to use gendered terms like that. You can often get those wrong based off of appearances. Surely, Harley told you about this?”

The woman made a face. “She mentioned it, but that stuff isn’t real.”

“I assure you that it is, and you misgendered both of us.” Remy did not want to deal with this so early in the morning.

The woman looked over both of them as another barista appeared from the back. “Uh, no, I didn’t. Now, are you going to pay, sir?”

“Oh no, Diana, why don’t you go into the back and finish grinding the beans? I can take this from here.” The barista said, quickly coming over.

The woman tossed her hair and huffed, but she marched back as the other barista glanced at the two cups and quickly tossed them in the trash. “Sorry, Remy. Diana isn’t the… most accepting of people it seems. Anyways, normal?”

“Yeah, please. With an extra shot of espresso. Need it after that.” Remy answered, rubbing their forehead.

“You got it,” the new barista said, turning to Emile, with a playful grin. “And what can I do for you? Oh, wait. Can I guess? You look like a medium caramel macchiato with extra caramel kind of person.”

“Uh, no? I usually get a mocha frap, but I would just like a medium green tea lemonade, please.” Emile answered, feeling super uncomfortable.

“No prob, and don’t you dare, Remy. After that mess, this is on the house. I’ll go get your drinks started.”

“Thanks, gurl.” They said, still stuffing money into their tip jar. “Come on, let’s sit.”

Emile awkwardly followed, desperately trying not to give himself dysphoria thinking about the parts of him that still shouted ‘girl’ to the world. He kept wondering why Remy hasn’t asked about it. Yet, Remy stretched out, letting out a groan when their back popped before taking a seat. Emile slumped into his, counting down until this amazing person demanded to know why he deceived them, just like everyone else Emile has dated. Why he was pretending to be something he wasn’t.

“Hey, can you breathe for me, Emile?” Remy’s voice cut through his racing thoughts.

“I’m trans!” Emile suddenly spat out, before realizing what he had just said.

“OK? Did you want me to use a different name or pronouns?”

“I-no? I go by Emile, he/him. I-I am a man.”

“Alright, so let’s go back to you breathing, M’kay Emile?”

“You’re not mad? You aren’t going to demand why I deceived you? You-“

“Hey,” Remy’s voice was soft, recognizing that this needed to pass before they could get Emile to calm down. “You say you are a man, so as far as I’m concerned, you are one. Why would I be mad? I’m non-binary. I get being a different gender than the one put on your birth certificate. So long as you aren’t any of the gross unaccepting people, I don’t care. Be who you are. Alright? Now, can you please let me help you get away from the panic attack you are edging towards?”

 _That’s it, they are smart, kind, hot, and not a transphobe. I’m officially in love._ Emile couldn’t help but think as Remy talked him through his own breathing exercise. Once he had calmed down, they went back to discussing cartoon theories. Then the theory that all Pixar movies are in the same universe. Then they got into a friendly argument over the best Pixar movie. Emile decided that he was utterly and completely in love with this random person. If this was how he went out–too in love with some random person he only met because he accidentally left his thesis in the library–then he was alright with that.

Finally, after Remy noticed Emile yawn one too many times and made him admit he was quite a bit tired, they decided to trade phone numbers. “And, you know, maybe we could go out to celebrate your thesis defense? If you aren’t busy?”

Emile couldn’t help but smile at this. “I would love to.”

_“THAT’S IT! I QUIT THIS DISGUSTING PLACE!”_

The entire café watched the first-day-on-the-job barista take off her apron, throw it on the ground, and storm out. Remy couldn’t help but snort out a “perfect way to end this.” Emile found he couldn’t agree more as they walked back to the library.


	8. Gangs All Here!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emile meets Remy's friends and brother.

~a month later

“OK, so did you clean up the kitchen? Do you think the living room looks alright? Oh fashionistas above, what if he doesn’t like Oreos? I can’t like someone who doesn’t like Oreos. Get your feet off that table, I scrubbed it down earlier. Do you think the snacks are OK? Should I have scrubbed the walls as well? Forget it, no time. Virgil, you are being relocated to sitting here to hide this mark on the wall. Remember, Emile is too precious to swear around, so if I hear any of you swear, you can kiss your hides goodbye. Seriously, what if he doesn’t like Oreos though?”

Virgil glanced at Dee, rolling his eyes. Dee snickered as they continued to watch Remy swarm around the living room, half in a panic. They were finally going to introduce them to this new guy they’ve been _smitten_ with and they were acting as if the house had to look brand new and never lived in. Meanwhile, Virgil, Dee, and Remus were flopped on the couches, laughing at them.

“Alright, Sleepwalker. Take a deep breath over there. Between the emo disaster needing the house clean to ease his anxiety and your dislike of dirt that this disaster tracks in, this house is probably the cleanest in the entire town.” Dee finally commented, as Remy nearly started tearing apart the bookcases after finding a small grain of sand in them.

“ _Hey_ , I keep the soil in the greenhouse.”

“Which is attached to the house through the small laundry room hall thing in the back. The entire house is your greenhouse.”

Virgil was about to argue with that, but Dee threw a flower– one that Remus had found in the kitchen and had given him– at Vee. Remy let out a screech, sending the other three into laughter. Remy wasn’t amused as they scooped up the flower and plopped it in a vase. They didn’t understand that everything had to be _perfect_.

“Seriously though, Remy. Relax. Everything will go fine. So long as this guy of yours isn’t Moth Man or Bigfoot, he’s got nothing to fear from us. But if you are bringing home Moth Man or Bigfoot, please let us know now and Remus and I will start setting up traps.” Virgil commented.

Before Remy could respond, there came a knock at the door.

****

_What if Remy’s brother and friends don’t like me? Would they be willing to still spend time hanging out with me?_ Emile knew that he was mentally psyching himself out. Yet, he _really_ liked Remy. So, of course, he was worried about Remy’s friends and brother liking him. Remy had even told him that they were chill and super accepting. Remy had also sat him down to warn him about one of their friends and that he couldn’t control his actions, so Emile figured if they were willing to accept that friend, they could surely accept him, right?

Emile pulled up to a cute little house with plants and flowers scattered around. Gulping, he parked and glanced at his outfit, hoping he looked alright. Remy had insisted that it was a relaxed get together, so Emile tried to look nice in some black slacks and a cardigan. _OK, Emile. Get out of the car and knock in the door._

He could hear laughter answer his knock. He had half a mind to just turn tail and skedaddle out of here. Who cares if Remy was essentially the epitome of what he was looking for in a partner? Who cares if he would just sob into a tub of ice cream, mad at himself for bolting? Thankfully for his nerves, the door opened before he could unconvinced himself that this was a good thing.

Remy smiled at him. “Hey, glad you found the place.”

“Hi, Remy.” He breathed, wondering if his poor pan heart could just chill out for _once_ around this amazing being.

They waved him in. Emile could hear some screeching about Moth Man and getting a net, but Remy was just rolling their eyes. Remy led him into a living room. Before Emile could get a good look around, seeing who all were sitting here, someone threw themselves at him. He just barely managed to not fall. The person didn’t even notice him getting his balance back as the person licked his face.

Emile could hear new screeching as the person was torn from his side by two men. The shorter of them, who had a large scar on the side of his face, arranged the man they had taken off of him so that the first person was clinging to him. The second guy glanced over at Remy, who was pale and looking at all of them with a worried look.

“Sorry, Remus has some brain damage-“ one of them said.

“Um… It’s alright. Remy already warned me.” Emile answered, uncertainly.

“Yeah, well, warning and experiencing at two vastly different things.” The one looking at Remy said, softly. “Dee, take your personal heater back onto the couch before he gives us a heart attack.”

The guy with the scar rolled his eyes but did move over to where a pile of blankets had been dumped. The two men quickly covered themselves before the one who had pounced Emile snuggled in closer to the other. The last guy muttered something to Remy, before gently shoving them towards Emile. He then threw himself onto a couch, face first.

“So, uh… Sorry, Emile.” Remy said, worriedly. “Are you alright?”

“It’s alright, I’m fine.”

Remy let out a breath, running their hand through their hair. “So, I guess intros?”

“I’m Remus, he/him! And this is my hubby-bubby Dee, also he/him!”

The man face-planted on the couch mumbled something, so Dee threw a pillow at him. “Sit up, Anx, and introduce yourself properly.”

“Ugggh, yes, _mom_.” The guy stated, sarcastically as he sat up and Emile finally got a good look at him. “I’m Virgil, he/him. Though these two call me Anx.”

“Wait, you’re Tinder guy!” Emile said, excitedly, before awkwardly coughing.

“Oh sh-“

 _“Excuse me?”_ Remy and Dee both screeched at him. “Tinder?”

Rather than answer, Virgil glanced at the two of them, then proceeded to climb over the couch edge into the corner. It took a little squirming, but he vanished under the side table, which told Emile that this was probably a common occurrence. He was glad it broke the tension though as both Remy and Dee were demanding information all the while throwing friendly taunts at him.

“Gurl, get your butt out of your angst cave!”

“Ok, fine, yes, I _had_ a Tinder. No, you two are not allowed on it! That is all I am feeding the two of you.” Virgil finally said, coming up from the corner.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to cause you problems, Virgil,” Emile said, seeing how embarrassed the guy looked.

“It’s alright. They were bound to find out eventually. I did manage to get a date or two without them spying.” Virgil still looked uncomfortable. “If you happen to remember that, did I accidentally hurt you? Sorry, if I did. Well, it’s been several months since that, if I remember correctly, so I must have. I’m sorry for whatever I did when I ran into you.”

“Oh, no. It was just amusing after a very long and trying day. Plus, I’ve seen you around with your-. Wait, is Remus the friend who stole your phone?” Emile waited for a nod before grinning. “How did that go anyways? I’ve wondered.”

“VeeVee didn’t like most of my swipes!” Remus whined.

“Wait, trash man knew before me? Oh no, gurl, we are having a long conversation about this, later.” Remy stated.

“No, we are not,” Virgil stated, before looking at Emile. “In answer to your question, it went badly. The only seemingly normal person Remus swiped on was chill up until he started talking about his taxidermy hobby while tracing one of the veins in my wrist. So, I ended up deleting the app while Remus whined that I would never find a boyfriend and he was only trying to help.”

“You should have gone with the alligator hunter!” Remus screeched.

“NO!”

Emile couldn’t help but laugh as arguments broke out about Virgil’s dating life. Virgil had an amused grin, despite vehemently arguing with his friends and sibling, so Emile could tell there was no hostility in the arguments, so it was just friendly taunting. He knew that he didn’t have to worry about being accepted by Remy’s brother and friends. If they were already willing to banter in front of him, he had nothing to fear.

“So, uh, help yourself to snacks, Emile. Mom #1 and Mom #2 are going to be at this for a while.” Virgil commented.

Remy’s screeching suddenly broke off as they looked at Emile, sheepishly. “If- If you don’t want any of this, I could go make you something else.”

“No, _you will not_. I have only managed to get you to make bacon and pancakes without setting things on fire! You will not go make things in the kitchen while people are here!”

“Ooh, the Sandman has progressed from boiling water. So proud of you.” Dee commented.

Remy let out a screech as the banter turned to their cooking abilities. Emile smiled as he grabbed an Oreo and munched on it. This entire thing was just hilarious to watch and he was happy to do so. Remus ended up turning and asking Emile something though, so he started talking with the man while the screeching grew louder.

“THAT’S IT!”

Emile was startled to see Remy stand up and go over to their brother. Virgil was laughing as he was shoved further into the back of the couch before Remy plopped down, half on top of the guy, practically hiding him from the room.

“Virgil? Never heard of her. She’s been deleted from existence.” Remy announced to the room, still laying on top of their brother.

A muffled voice called out from behind them. “Remus, get the spiders! I can’t be deleted without letting spiders loose in their closet!”

“YAS! Spiders for raccoon man!” Remus screeched, flinging himself from Dee’s arms.

Dee scrambled off the couch after his husband. “Oh no, you don’t! Get back here, you little trash goblin!”

“GET THEM!”

“SPIDERS, HERE I COME!”

“GET THE TRASH GOBLIN, SNEK BOI!”

“NO SPIDERS FOR YOU, REMUS! YOU CAN’T EVEN CATCH A FISH WITHOUT GETTING INTO TROUBLE!”

“OOOOOOOH SPIDERS! FISHIES! COME TO REEREE!”

“NOOOO!”

“FIND THEM!”

“HEY, THAT’S NOT FOR EATING!”

“GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!”

“GOTS ME SOME FUEL TO GO SPIDER HUNTING!”

“GET BACK HERE!”

“EMILE, PROTECT ME!”

Suddenly, Remus was once again latched to Emile’s side, cackling. The other three paused, staring at him, wondering how much they needed to panic. Yet, Emile just burst into a fit of laughter. Remy would be lying if they said the laughter didn’t ease their worry. They watched Remus snuggle in closer to Emile, while sticking his tongue out at Dee, who was standing there looking uncertain.

Then something wet touched Remy’s ear.

“AHHHHHHHHK!” Remy scrambled off the couch, straight onto the floor, while Virgil laughed at them. “You bastard! Did you just give me a wet willy!”

“Ahh! Emile, protect me too!” Virgil didn’t even shift from where he was sprawled on the couch.

“Sorry, Virgil. I’m already protecting Remus. There’s only so much space on this chair.” Emile laughed.

It took a while before they finally got to putting the movie they were there to watch in, but Emile didn’t mind it one bit. He had wondered what Tinder guy’s life was like considering the times Emile had seen him around, but he found he enjoyed the group’s chaotic mess. There was definitely more picking on, screeching, and randomness, but Emile wouldn’t have traded it for anything. It was nice and he just seemed to fit in, easily.

Remy eventually fell asleep and their brother simply went into a room and brought out a thick comforter. Emile watched as he snatched the throw blanket from Dee, who angrily hissed at him. Virgil simply ignored the hiss and threw the comforter over Dee’s head, which instantly stopped the hissing. He then draped the throw blanket over Remy and moved a pillow behind their head.

“I figure that as you’ve spent some time with them, you know about their narcolepsy?” Virgil asked Emile.

“Yeah.” Emile was suddenly aware that he was now essentially alone with his crush’s brother and friends.

He nodded, flopping back into his seat. “OK, cool. Anyways, while Remy is out and can’t screech, I’ll get this out of the way. Don’t you dare hurt them. I have never seen Remy so frazzled and lovestruck then they have been talking about you. I don’t want to see them hurt, got it? You seem chill and you’ve endured our shenanigans for a couple of hours, so I won’t go full protective bro on you, but still.”

“I don’t intend on hurting them. I don’t even know if we’re dating yet or not and I’m kind of scared to ask and find out that we aren’t.” Emile admitted.

Dee snorted. “Take it from us, Emile. Remy _really_ likes you. Just do it and save all of us the awkward pining. And just be aware that if you do hurt our best friend, well, I know how to hack into vital records and Remus writes murder novels so specific he has had police knock on the door asking where he learned some details.”

Emile suddenly gulped, but thankfully Virgil answered for him. “OK, yeesh. That was a bit too much, Dee. Get back to your job of scaring off my dates instead of Remy’s.”

“But what about Jeffrey Dahmer?”

Emile was startled at the random question, but Virgil considered it. “I mean, if Dee manages to find Jeffrey Dahmer, by all means, go ahead, scare him off. It’s Bigfoot and Moth Man we agreed he’s supposed to hand over to us, remember?”

Emile found that the discussion of cryptids was a lot easier to handle than the ‘don’t hurt them’ threats and eagerly jumped on that. Remy woke up half an hour later to find the group screeching at each other over whether the Earth was a ravioli or soup. They simply blinked and then rolled their eyes, wondering when their life got so weird.


	9. A Story Before the Windows Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Dee and Remus met!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: foster parent implied to be taking drugs
> 
> James and Calypso are Dee's parents. One mention of someone being a witch, but they aren't. Dee is just dramatic, lol. If you don't stan baby Dee after this chapter, we can't be friends. Sorry, I don't make the rules. (LOL jk, but also like baby Dee is cute and I love him sooo....)

~2 weeks later

_Tap. Tap._

“It’s open!”

Emile entered the house to find Remy laying on the couch, scrolling through their phone. A bowl of popcorn sat on the ground, rather than the coffee or side tables. It was also so insanely quiet that Emile could swear he heard the small hum of electricity running through the house. Remy glanced up and offered him a smile before looking back at their phone. Emile moved over and took a seat, wondering where Virgil was.

“So, are Remus and Dee meeting us here or at the diner?” Emile asked, curiously.

“At the diner. It’s easier for them just to walk straight there than to walk here and then to the diner.”

“We could just pick them up?” Emile offered, confused.

Remy jerked as if realizing something. “Oh, we didn’t tell you about that. Dee and Remus don’t drive anywhere. Not after the accident that hurt Remus’s brain. They refuse to do more than place something in the trunk of a car.”

“Oh,” Emile wasn’t sure what else to say.

“We’re just waiting to hear that they’ve left as we get there about the same time that way.” Remy slumped back down before grabbing the bowl. “Popcorn?”

_Hissssss…_

Remy rolled their eyes as they set the bowl back down to grab a spray bottle from the side table. They sprayed into the space where the two couches connected. Another hiss came out but Remy rolled their eyes again and sprayed, this time to no response.

“Uh, do you guys have a cat?”

“Nope,” Remy set aside the spray bottle. “Virgil was having a bad mental health day, so when that happens, he hides down there and we turn off all the noise in the house. I then try to tempt him out with snacks. I’m trying to train him to stop hissing though.”

In response, an arm stuck out from the slot and waved at Emile. Then it grabbed a handful of popcorn and vanished back under the table, where crunching noises could be heard. Remy gave an amused huff as they pushed the popcorn bowl closer.

“If Virgil isn’t feeling up to it, we could always cancel for today?”

“I’ve already discussed it with him. Our favorite diner’s hostess, Becca, officially finished training to be a server yesterday and is having her first serving shift today. We decided to go support her when we asked if you wanted to come have dinner with the four of us. So, when we discussed if he had enough spoons for it, Virgil said that he still wants to go and support Becca on her first day but is hiding until it’s time to head out.” A small ding came from Remy’s phone. “Which is now. Out you come, cave dweller.”

Virgil huffed but climbed out from under the side table. Once he was out, the three of them went out to the car and climbed in. Emile was surprised to see the husbands coming up the street as they pulled into the parking lot. _They really do have this timed out._ There weren’t even greetings shared anymore, just new jabs and jokes as they walked into the diner. The woman laughed as they entered but walked them to a large table and said that Becca would be there in a moment.

Everyone but Emile were regulars, so he ended up going last, but Remy assured him that he would love the food. The server seemed to be really good friends with the group which Emile thought was cool. Still, everything eventually came out and they started their meals, chatting and joking before Emile became curious.

“Hey, Dee, Remus. Do you mind if I ask how the two of you met? Remy has told me about you two meeting Virgil and them, but how did you two meet?”

Dee blushed and Remus giggled (not his normal cackle that made you worry he stole your wallet, but a full-on _giggle_ ). Remy raised an eyebrow at Remus but was interested in hearing this now. Virgil rolled his eyes, already having heard Remus tell him a demented version, before Dee huffed and retold the story, but still…

Dee merely shrugged. “We met in kindergarten, so other than what my parents kept telling us, it’s kind of blurry. So, anyway…”

****

“Mommy, I no want to go school.” The small child begged.

Calypso knelt. “But sweetheart, you were excited to start yesterday. What happened to all the pictures you were going to draw or things you were going to learn?”

Dee’s lip trembled as his eyes watered. “But I no want leave you and Daddy, Mommy. We go school together!”

James knelt next to his wife and son, desperately trying not to give in to the want to just take the small child home and never think of bringing him back again. “Your teacher wants to introduce herself to you lot first, Dee. Mommy and I will come help around your classroom once your teacher says we can. Come on, little python. I’ll take you to go get some ice cream after school. Does that sound fun?”

The lip trembled again as the child asked. “With sprinkles?”

“With sprinkles.” He agreed.

The teacher called for the kids to start heading in. Dee was terrified, but he gave his mommy and daddy another hug and trooped into the classroom, keeping the idea of ice cream and sprinkles in his mind. Thankfully for Dee, the teacher was a veteran kindergarten teacher and knew how to keep the sad kids distracted and busy their first day away from their families.

Dee had a lot of fun and was even more excited when his dad picked him up and they went to get ice cream. Dee told him everything they did today, excitedly showing off the pictures he drew. James listened to the child, pretending as if he and Calypso hadn’t spent the day sobbing that their baby boy was growing up. Dee was happy to go to school and do more fun things, which James decided he’d take as a parenting win, even if he wasn’t ready for Dee to be in school.

Dee easily made friends with his classmates. He was great at making up stories for their adventures during recess and his parents always brought in the good snacks (unlike Mary’s mom who sent _celery_ and _carrots_ ). One time, when Dee and his mom came to school, Dee even had a small snake peek out of his backpack and that sent him into legendary status because _his mom raises snakes! And he gets to help!_ Yup, Dee was living the kindergartener’s dream.

A couple of months passed before a new family joined the neighborhood. Dee was excited when he saw a kid who looked about his age climb out of the family’s car. James tried to go welcome them to the neighborhood but quickly learned that the adults were not the most welcoming of people. Dee was disappointed but listened to his father when James suggested they give the new family a little time to settle in.

The next day, Dee’s teacher introduced a new student to the class: Remus. Dee didn’t get a chance to talk to the new kid until recess. The kid was in the grass, poking the ground with a stick. Dee marched over, wanting to talk to this new person. This person was a kid on his street and if he became friends with him, then they could play outside of school every day as well! When he arrived, however, he saw the new kid was poking a giant beetle.

“Eww, what are you doing?” Dee asked.

“Seeing if it can fly!” the kid answered with an excited grin before looking back at it. “So far, all it’s done is wiggle its hair thingy.”

Dee took a seat next to him, curiously. Remus continued to poke the bug, until with a scary sound, the beetle shot into the air and started chasing the two boys, angrily. Their teacher only rolled her eyes at the two screaming boys before going to get a fly swatter. Once they were no longer being chased by an evil bug, Remus turned to Dee, excitedly chattering about what had just happened.

They ended up looking for a new bug, discussing better ways to find out if it could fly. Thankfully for the bugs, their teacher called the kids in. She was pleased to see that Remus seemed to have already made a new friend and was handling the new class fairly well. What she did not appreciate was the fat beetle Remus placed on her desk as a present for welcoming him to the class.

“It was huge, Daddy!” Dee explained to James, once the two of them got home.

After that, the two boys were inseparable when they were at school. James and Calypso heard lots of stories about games the two boys played or a magic potion they ‘brewed’ that consisted of bubbles, grass, and hair. Outside of school though, Dee didn’t see Remus. Remus lived on the same street, but his foster parents didn’t let him go outside because they didn’t need him disrupting the neighborhood.

James gave the new family a month to settle in before he and Dee went and knocked on their door. Dee was excitedly bouncing when a scary witch opened the door, growling at Dee and his daddy. The tiny child hid behind his father’s legs as he spoke to the evil witch. After a moment, Dee saw Remus and excitedly waved at the other. Remus giggled and shot out the door to tackle Dee in a hug.

James smiled, finally meeting his son’s friend. The kid’s foster mother, on the other hand, was not happy about this development in the slightest. James had the feeling that the woman was taking some kind of drug, but he kept himself from commenting or showing that he knew. It took some discussion, and convincing, but the woman agreed that Remus could go over to their house to play. She made it clear that the boys were not to play in her yard or within her house though. James wanted to say that he didn’t want his son anywhere near her house either, but just kindly nodded, telling her that she could send Remus over whenever as someone was usually home. He somehow managed to get her phone number, with the express threat it was only used for important business.

The three of them walked back to the house, where Dee dragged Remus to his bedroom, excited to play with his friend. James told his wife about the woman. Calypso made a face but went to meet the new kid in her house. Seeing the ball of energy playing with her son, the woman instantly decided that she was adopting this new little boy into her family.

****

“So, uh, yeah.” Dee rubbed the back of his neck. “We ended up dating at like fourteen and when Ree’s eighteenth birthday started getting close, he basically just moved in with us before his foster parents could kick him out onto the streets. Then, married at twenty.”

“Little python, huh?” Remy commented with a smirk.

“Yup! DeeDee was little python and I was first squeakers and then Dee’s Dad started also calling me little mouse when we started middle school! DeeDee’s Dad loved giving people nicknames. He called my terrible foster parents the Wicked Parents of the West, mostly after I ended up moving in, but still!”

“Is that why you enjoy me calling you a rat?” They asked, mildly surprised.

Remus was grinning, as he admitted, “Yup! I kind of missed being little mouse, but it also didn’t feel right having people call me that anymore after the accident. So, when you joked that I was like a rat you couldn’t get rid of, coming to eat all your food, it was like, ‘rat? Rat like mouse!!’ and yeah! It’s the perfect compromise! Though don’t call DeeDee little python, he might actually commit murder if you do. Most people don’t even know his parents called him that!”

“You are terrible. Stop spreading slander about me.” Dee muttered.

“You looooooooooooove me,” Remus said in a singsong way.

Dee rolled his eyes but took the other’s hand. “No, how dare you imply something so disgusting as love between two married men.”

Virgil snorted as he picked up a fry. “Two bros chillin in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they're not gay.”

“Umm… Excuse you, we are very much gay. Remus is claiming there is love in this relationship though. What is love betw-“

“BABY DON’T HURT ME!” Remus and Virgil screeched in unison.

Becca couldn’t help but snort as she set a new thing of coffee in front of Remy. “You walked full _gay_ into that one, Dee. I think the two played you for that.”

Dee’s head was already flat on the table when a muffled “I know” came from him.

“But you loooooooooooooooooooove us.” The two laughed.

“I know” came again, leading Remy and Emile into laughter as well.

Becca went back into the back and another person came to the table. “So, how is she doing, our we-don’t-have-favorites-but-if-we-did-it-would-totally-be-you-lot regulars?”

“Beautiful. 12/10 would be served again. Deserves all the raises.” Remy answered, grinning.

“Here, here!” Virgil and Remus chimed, before cackling, enjoying their in-sync antics.

Becca reappeared with a bowl of different flavored creamers. “It’s not that hard to impress you though. All anyone has to do is set a burning hot cup of coffee in front of you and you give them perfect ratings.”

“Here, here!”

Remy pouted. “But I gave you higher than perfect! I said 12/10!”

She laughed as she set the bowl down in front of them. “Yeah, for knowing your obsession with concocting coffee monstrosities with vast amounts of flavored creamer after you’ve had a pot.”

Remy set a hand on their chest as if offended. “Betrayed by my friends! Mocked by my own brother! Only coffee loves me!”

“… I love you.” Emile’s voice whispered, sending Becca, Remus, and Virgil into a thrilled screeching fit.

Unfortunately, for Remy, they were taking a drink of their beloved ambrosia as Emile whispered this. Dee did not appreciate having coffee spit all over him, but Remy was staring at Emile with huge eyes, as if Emile had just admitted to hating Oreos, after having snarfed down an entire family size pack. Emile was terrified of what was going through Remy’s head. He hadn’t meant for them to hear that comment.

Instead, Remy’s mind was the blank image of a Windows 97 computer error, but instead of the high-pitched screeching sound, their mind was screeching ‘love? Love? LOVE?’ before running through a list of everything and realizing that yes, Remy had developed romantic feelings for this cute psychology nerd.

“Emile, you broke the Sleepwalker,” Dee commented.

Virgil let out an amused huff before deciding to step in for his best friend, basically turned sibling. “Hey, Remy, do you want Emile to be your partner?”

“I-uh-Partner? Partner! Yes, partner!”

“Emile, do you want to be the broken idiot’s partner?”

Emile glanced at Remy, not sure of how to take their answer. “I would like to be if they want to be.”

“Yes, partner! We partners!”

“Now, Emile, ignore the idiot while they mentally restart their brain, if it’s still in there after all these years. I don’t think they had actually registered that they were completely gone for you.”

Remy nodded, pointing at Virgil, still with the LOVE error code running through their head. With that, they set their head on the table, and of course, that was when they slipped into sleep. Virgil laughed, commenting that they seemed to be turning their brain off and on. The group got dessert while waiting for Remy to wake.

Once they did, their mind did seem to recover. “So, uh… maybe we could try this again? Hopefully without my useless brain freaking out?”

They waited for Emile to give a small, nervous nod, before continuing. “Would you maybe like to…uh… go on a date with me and maybe… like… be partners?”

Emile couldn’t help the smile as he answered. “I’d love that, you useless flirt.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOH HE GOT YOU!”

The smile on their face didn’t falter as they responded with a simple, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Stay safe! Drink water! Get plenty of rest! Take care of yourselves in these trying times! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @winterknight1087


End file.
